Binary
by Zapenbits
Summary: A Binary star consists of two stars orbiting around their common center of mass. And from what I've learned, Fate is like this center mass. As he and I circle it, like the stars, we are always so close and yet just out of reach. Alice/Pre-Twilight.
1. As I Wait

**I don't own Twilight.**

* * *

**Chapter I** — _"As I Wait"_

* * *

We prowl the night.

That must be why they call us children of the night, because it is the safest time for us. As we walk through the woods, the humans of the world don't notice us. They are tucked "safely" into their beds, as we watch and we wait for the right moment to strike.

They are all so predictable. They get up, make breakfast, go to work, come home, eat dinner, and sleep. Every day is repetitive here. The future is something I look forward to. Perhaps, in the future, something will finally be interesting again.

"Do you want to wait, or go now?" I look over to see her, standing there in the flames, watching the house with hungry black eyes. She is hungry and so am I. I look over to the other side of me. Black as night, he watches the house with distain.

He is like me.

"It's time," I say quietly, and we approach the small house with wooden sides. It's dark and there are no sounds anywhere except for our light footsteps. Everything is dead in the world. I can hear the breathing of the corpses. Their breath is the same as it always is. If I didn't know any better, I would swear we were killing the same humans.

_As I wait_, nothing changes.

* * *

_Alice_

"I had the dream again," a voice says, echoing dulling off of the blank walls; blank walls like canvases yet to be painted on. How an artist would thrive in here. How I am dying in here.

Surely the voice that had spoken — a voice void of all emotions, a voice so dull it is nearly lifeless — could not possibly be _my_ voice. Indeed, I think, watching as the dark head of my doctor nods indicating that it _was_ the voice of a mad girl speaking.

Indeed, I think again, the voice is that of a crazy girl's. The voice belongs to me. I stare straight ahead, feeling my eyes burn from not blinking, and I do so, just so I can feel a little relief in this hell. I glance over to the wall, seeing the lines totaling the days I had been kept here. Absentmindedly, I count the days. I count the days every day. Was it really three months and two days prior that I had been normal?

Three months and two days prior had been a normal day, much like any other day. I was younger then than I was now, much younger. My mother and I were relaxing behind our house when the monsters attacked. I remember clutching my head in pain, trying to make the images stop.

Blood and monsters and beauty are in the depth of existence, I remember clearly, though everything is blurred now. The visions come so frequently, it's hard to keep track of them all.

The dreams never stop coming. After that first day, I was taken away to this place. While I was used to seeing the vibrant greens of pine trees and the cool blue of the river behind my home, here the only color I ever see is white. Anticipating, waiting, and longing, white.

It's only when the beautiful dark hair of William Pierce, did my world suddenly feel full of light and color again. Besides my dreams, he is the only thing that lets me see color; lets me see the world outside of these white walls.

"Miss Brandon," he says, bathing me with his voice, as beautiful as angel's singing atop the highest peaks of Heaven, "you have many dreams. Please be a little more specific." Through his lashes and unruly bangs, he looks at me with dark eyes.

I swallow hard though I know he doesn't notice. William, _Will_, never notices what affect he has on me. He only sits there, asks me questions, and awaits my answers.

To him, everything that goes on in this room is only business, his job he must wish to escape from. But to me, the time we spend together in this room is personal; after all, William is the only sane person I ever come in contact with every day besides the man who brings and takes my uneaten food.

"The soldier," I reply, seeing past him, because that is what they expect of me.

He nods and jots down my response in his little notebook. I have come to hate that stupid little notebook. When he looks down at it, I can't see his eyes. That brilliant shade of brown was the only thing I live for now. I've lost my mother, the only family I have, and I'm stuck here.

Just seeing him, someone considered "normal", is more than enough to want to see him all the time.

"You seem to dream about that man a lot," he observes, setting his pen down atop his notebook. As I stare ahead, to the window outside of my little cell, he looks at me with chocolate eyes. I watch him, though he doesn't notice. He never notices.

"Why do you think you see him the most?" he asks.

His sharp jaw, his blood eyes, his beautiful yellow and wavy hair all appears in my mind like a painting. He looks at me with calm eyes and I know, despite that he may seem cold and uncaring, he is very dear and loves me very much. I can see that he wants to help me and he is not afraid of what he is or what I am.

He loves me for me. Not for what people label me as or who I am supposed to be. He seems past the image I put up and the reputation I have. He loves me because he knows who I am. He's the only one who knows who I am, completely.

"I'm not sure," I reply flatly.

He nods and scribbles down a few more words. His writing looks like that of a baby's drawings. I'm sure no one other than himself can read his pen. Chicken-scratch, I decide to call it and smile to myself. Will notices this time. "What are you smiling about?" he asks, a little interested in me but not enough to try and catch my eye.

"I was thinking," I say, resting my eyes upon his, though he doesn't meet mine, "that you write like a chicken walks on paper, with ink on his claws. Chicken-scratch." I chuckle lightly then go back to the crazy girl I am supposed to play.

Will stops writing and looks up at me. His eyes burn my skin but I don't look at him. It would be very normal of me to look at him. And I am not normal.

"I suppose," he replies quietly and then looks back at his notebook. No more words leave his lips as he stands and turns around. He does not say goodbye ever to me. Instead he says, "Have a good day, Miss Brandon." I watch him as he leaves.

For a long while, I sit in silence. There is a small, envelope-shaped window on my door, near the top by the ceiling. I am too short to see through it but there sunlight shines through it and heightens the white color of my room.

I sit and remember my past. My mother always taught me that it was good to remember where you come from because the people from your past will always be the people of your future. She always said that but, somehow, now it doesn't seem true.

After all, she left me, just like my normality, my home, and my life.

There is a small knock on my door. "Alice," I hear a soft voice say. Grandfather walks inside and leaves his cart behind him, like he always does. I pull up my knees and give him space to sit down. He is an old man after all and it seems that it takes him longer to sit down and stand up every single day.

"Hello, Grandfather," I smile and look at him.

John "Old Man" Pierce is a cook that has been working here for more than forty years. He was eighteen when he got a job as a cook here and he's never left. He had a wife, who died about three years before, and has one wonderful son and one wonderful grandson.

That grandson happens to be William Pierce, the angel who sees me every day.

"How are you today?" he asks, setting a small tray with a bowl in front of me. I examine it and see that it is a cloudy broth and a thick piece of bread. I pick up the bread absentmindedly but I don't eat right away. I hardly eat here and Grandfather always tries to get me to every day during our daily meetings.

"I am well, thank you," I reply quietly. "And yourself?"

He smiles brightly, the lines on his forehead and cheeks more pronounced as he does so. "Another day, I get a day older, but wiser than I was a day before," he says, just like he always does. He is a bit strange but I always enjoy his company.

We sit in silence for a long while. I nibble a little on the bread crust but hardly any of it goes down my throat. It's dry and not good at all, but I don't care. I don't want Grandfather to be upset. If there's anything I don't want, that's Grandfather mad at me.

"How did your session go today?" he asks me.

I smile. "I made a joke," I reply, letting my teeth show. I look up from my bread crust and into his black eyes, the same eyes as William's. He's smiling brightly at me, his laugh wrinkles compressing. "I think he finally notices that I'm not as crazy as they think I am."

He chuckles for a moment. "I should hope so! He's only been visiting you since you came here. I remember, as soon as I saw you, I knew you weren't crazy. You have a gift sent to you for a reason. Something bigger than this life is waiting for you, Alice."

I look away, my cheeks reddening slightly. "I know," I mumble.

He reaches forward and pats my knee with a soft hand. I bite my lip and look up at him. He smiles at me, letting his abnormally white teeth show. I gaze into his eyes, knowing that, ten, twenty, years from now those eyes will still be the same.

I know, because Grandfather never changes.

He's from the Great Beyond, an Angel from Heaven, with a thirst from Hell. As William grows old, his grandfather will never change. Sooner or later, Grandfather will have to leave but right now he can pass off for an old man. And, for now, he can stay with me and help me.

Because he knows I'm not crazy.

He's one of _them_. He's the same as the soldier I constantly think about, dream about, the same as the family I will stay live with in the future, the same as the monsters everyone fears.

He is a vampire.

* * *

_William_

_This is bloody useless_, I think, pacing down the hallways of the mental institute. An older woman by the name of Mrs. Turner reaches out at me from her bedroom. She's in here because she swears her husband was killed by demons, though clearly, realistically, that isn't possible.

I brush by her, and she cries out at me. I don't respond because I don't like her. But then again, I don't like anyone here at this bloody institute. Well, I don't like any of the patients. There are a couple of nurses, however, I do enjoy quite a lot.

And when I say a lot, I mean _a lot_.

Of course, my grandfather works here too. I love him an all, but it's only because I can't change my family. He's a strange man with … unique habits. After losing my grandma two years ago, he's gotten even stranger than before.

"Hello, Will," Mary, a first year here, says to me as she passes by. Her long, red locks bounce off of her shoulders as she walks. I turn my head and watch her retreat, watch the twist of her clothes around her waist, the muscles of her arms release and retract as she grips her medical book to her chest.

I approach the lobby of the institute and notice that it is unusually quiet today. Usually, they let two or three of the patients out into the lobby to walk around for ten minutes or so. The staff does it in shifts because there is only so much we can handle if all the crazies came out at the same time.

"William!" a male voice calls after me. I turn around to see Robert, one of the only other male staff members, come up to me. He is out of breath, like he just came running from the other end of the institute. He takes a few deep breathes before continuing.

"There's a meeting in the cafeteria, starting in a few minutes. I saw that you were heading out, so I thought I'd tell you. Mrs. Brinkmen says she has some big news and wants all employees there as soon as possible."

Mrs. Brinkmen is the head of the institute; technically, Mr. Brinkmen is, however, he's always gone on business trips, Mrs. Brinkmen is boss-man. She's the mother of the institute. Everyone, including myself and all the patients, love Mrs. Brinkmen. What she says goes.

"Then I guess we should get down there, shouldn't we?" I laugh and slap him on the shoulder. He chuckles alongside me and then we walk down to the cafeteria.

The hallways are very plain in the institute. Every door is metal with a small, envelope-sized opening at the top. On my right, there is a wall of windows. On my left, the patients' rooms are located. Every door looks the same; the only difference being a small printed number right by the door, indicating what room belongs to who.

There are cries in some of the rooms, and others there is dead silence.

When we enter, Mrs. Brinkmen is standing in front of the staff, looking back at us. "Sorry for being late, Mrs. Brinkmen," I apologize, giving her a small smile. She rolls her eyes and smiles back, nodding toward two empty chairs in the back of the group.

Robert and I quickly sit down, and sigh with relief as she continues. "As I was saying before," she repeats herself for our benefit, "we are going to hold a small party for the best patients of the institute next Friday for Halloween. It won't be a big deal, but the patients that have improved or have always been very good shall be rewarded.

She looks at me directly in the eye. "I know that many of you think this will be a hassle but please remember that these patients are very sick people. People just like you and me. So, we will be planning the party all of this week. If you have any old suits or dresses, it would be nice if you let the patients borrow them for the event. I want this to be a good time."

She claps her hands together once and says, "Sound good?" She looks nearly every employee in the eye and we all know that there is no way we could ever say no to her. She knows it too.

"Sounds bloody _great_," I murmur while everyone else says something along the same lines.

* * *

**A/N — The first chapter of my pre-Twilight, Alice-centric story! This is more of a prologue than an actual first chapter, but I just want everyone to get a feel of how this story is going to be set up. I have pictures of Alice, William, Grandfather, and Alice's mother all up on my site. A link to that is on my profile, under my penname.**

**Follow me on Twitter to get updates about this story and other random facts! The link is  
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Thanks! Please review!**

**-Liz**


	2. As I Dream

**I don't own Twilight.**

* * *

**Chapter I** — _"As I Dream"_

* * *

She looks up at me with terrified brown eyes.

Her eyes tell me that she doesn't want to die this way. That she doesn't want to die at all, let alone this way. This way is the most sudden, painful way to die. She withers in pain, her heartbeat slowing to a stop. I watch her with numb eyes.

She falls limp in my arms. I let her go loosely and smile down at her pale skin, her unseeing eyes. They stare up the heavens, as if stargazing or daydreaming of the place she will go. Gently, I lay her down to rest forever.

"Done?" I hear a voice ask from behind me.

I don't turn around when I reply with, "Yes. Let's keep moving. Someone is bound to notice sooner or later that these killings are related. The humans are stupid, but not that stupid."

Though I don't see, I know she is nodding, her shoulder pressed up against the doorframe. She is heartless when it comes to these killings. So is the other one. It is true that we don't feel for the likes of these humans because, honestly, what do they have to live for? They live just so they can die.

Standing up, I look at her and she smiles at me. There is nothing in her eyes. In my eyes, however, there is something. I don't feel for these humans, but I feel something.

_As I dream_ of something different to happen, we continue running.

* * *

_Alice_

***

_I look over to see him standing there, smiling at me. His hand is outstretched and when I touch it, it is warm in my palm. His golden eyes are radiating with an expression no one has ever given me before. It's such a warm and peaceful look that I can't help but return it with the same expression._

_"Alice," he says my name and I can feel my heart squeezing with anticipation, "I love you."_

_My heart seems to explode from the words. It's so strange. I don't remember why, but I know that I haven't been told that in a long time. I've missed being loved by someone and loving them in return._

_"I love you too."_

***

I squeeze my eyes shut tightly before I gently let them open back up. Will is looking at me again, with eyes that are dark and mysterious in the sunlight. "What did you see?" he asks me and I want to answer, but I don't. I want to keep this particular dream to myself, even if just for a little longer.

"I saw … _love_," I tell him truthfully because it _is_ the truth.

He sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose with his index finger and thumb. He leans back on his little chair and then forward again. He drops his notepad on the floor and then wrings his fingers together. He looks me deeply in the eyes.

"You are being very vague today," he tells me. "Usually, you have much to say about love and the soldier, the monsters, the blood, the Angels …" he trails off, waving off my life with the palm of his hand. I want to cry, to bend over and hope that he will comfort me, but I don't.

I am not that weak.

Instead, I look him straight in the eye, rather than out the window and I hiss, "Maybe I am being vague because I don't want you to know what I saw." He looks taken aback, like he didn't expect me, one of the crazies, to say anything back to him.

I pull my legs up to my chin and look away, feeling my long hair fall in front of my eyes. I am furious with him. Sometimes, I like it when he doesn't talk. Because when he does, I know for sure that he doesn't care about me at all. At least when he's silent, I can dream that he is kind and cares for me.

"You know that you'll stay in here for as long as you don't tell me anything," he whispers. Then I feel his rough fingers on my chin. I shiver under his touch. He brings my face to the front so my eyes are forced to meet his. I don't focus completely, the crazy girl again.

And I don't answer him.

He shakes my chin once. I stiffen, anger building. Many girls would be scared, but I am not. In my short seventeen years, I've experienced more than girls my age have. I grind my teeth together. "Look me in the eye," he tells me angrily.

I look him in the eye.

"You're one of the strangest I've ever worked with, Alice Brandon," he hisses my name like it's a poison or a name of an enemy. "I know that you want to get out of here in this lifetime." I lift my chin, challenging him, still looking at him in the eye.

"You mark the walls with your finger nails," he nods toward the tallies — two months and three days — on my wall. "You don't eat. You haven't made friends on one of the rare occasions that you get to leave this bloody place. You stare out the window when I talk to you."

I look away. When I thought he hadn't noticed anything, he noticed everything. Every little detail of my pathetic life, he notices. I meet his eyes again. He lets go of my chin.

"So, Miss Brandon, what were your dreams about?"

I look out the window, biting my lip out of anger. He's looking at his paper again, writing something. "I dreamt about the soldier," I tell him quietly, hoping that he didn't catch it. I don't want to tell him because I want to keep the soldier to myself.

"And what happened when you were with the soldier?"

I sigh and continue gazing out the window, white from sunlight, just specs of green in the glass. "He told me that he loved me," I say. "And I told him I loved him too." I glance at Will for just a second and I see him nodding.

Finally, he sets his pen on his notebook and gets up to leave. I stare at his dress black dress pants because they are blocking the window. "Miss Brandon," he says. I don't look at him; that's what is expected of me. I need to uphold my image. I must. "Look at me," he demands.

So I do.

"There is going to be a small party next Friday night in celebration of Halloween. Because you are one of the finest patients here, Mrs. Brinkmen has invited you to attend. It will be promptly at seven and one of the nurses will help you get ready before hand. I'm sure someone, one of the nurses maybe, will bring something for you to wear."

I nod but don't reply.

* * *

When Will leaves that day, I think about the dance. This dance would probably be at least an hour at least; Mrs. Brinkmen wouldn't put the nurses through the torture of dressing the patients – even the least crazy – if we would only be out there for our normal ten-minute schedules.

I wonder what Grandfather will bring me. I know I shouldn't hope for anything, let alone something beautiful, but I do. When I was normal, Mother always let me try on her old clothes. It makes me feel like a princess, or someone famous.

There is a knock on my door and Grandfather comes inside.

He sits across from me and sets my tray of food down in front of me. Today it is beef with a hard crust of bread and a glass of water. I pick up the bread and take a bite out of it. Grandfather seems to be in shock that I am eating, but he doesn't say anything.

"I suppose William has already told you about dance next Friday?" he asks me, watching as I chew my food and swallow. I nod. "I will bring you something special to wear." I look up at him, the bread halfway out of my mouth.

He chuckles and looks at me with very golden eyes.

"Yes, it will be a special night for you, Alice," Grandfather says. "It will be the night in which the relationship between you and my grandson will go to the next level." I look at him and roll my eyes, not believing him at all.

"And how do you know?" I ask.

He laughs. "I'm a monster, something from the Great Beyond or possibly an Angel sent to you from heaven, Alice," he tells me, smiling brightly with mock-arrogance, "and I know these things. Everything is going to change very, very soon."

* * *

_William_

As I walk home from the institute, I contemplate the one patient that has never entered my mind ever before. Her name is Mary "Alice" Brandon, seventeen years old, who can supposedly see the future. She has never given me trouble before. For her to just talk back today was very odd.

When she came into the institute, I immediately saw her. I think I was the first one she saw in the entire institute, because I remember her eyes getting wide. I remember thinking that she was beautiful in a very natural way. I was also intrigued, wanting to know her better.

Only to learn that she was another one of the psychos, another one who thought she was the solution to some many problems. She thought she could see the future. Immediately, I knew that getting to know her would do me no good.

She was not normal.

She _is_ not normal.

However, today, she did something that made her seem less of the psycho she is supposed to be. She talked back to me; but it wasn't like her fellow patients. She didn't scream or yell or sound like she was about ready to eat my soul. She sounded … generally upset, like an angry girlfriend.

I shake my head and stuff my hands down my pockets of my jacket. It was late October and it was getting chillier every day. I pass by white houses and I think about Alice even more so than I should be. Did she live in a white house? I think.

But I brush off the subject.

She is a crazy; she will never get out of the institute. She counts the days and she hopes, dreams even that she will leave. She will not leave as long as she can "see" the future. Finally, my mind seems to go back to normal and I shake my head again, all thoughts of her gone.

* * *

That night at dinner, Grandfather tells me that he wants to let Alice borrow one of my mother's old dresses. "All they're doing up there is collecting dust," he says. "We should let her have one. Just something little, it doesn't have to be big. But I think she deserves something nice."

I look away from him too the mantle. Over the fireplace, a picture of my mother rests; her round face is bright with smiles and love. That picture is the last we have of her. After that, there is not any more documentation of the last three weeks of her life.

She was killed by a monster. Grandfather says that it was something much worse than a monster, but I don't believe him. He has always been a crazy old man. He's even crazier since my mother and grandmother were killed.

"What do you say William?" Grandfather asks.

I look away from the picture, back to my dinner and sigh. "I don't care what the hell you give her," I mutter below my breath. "It doesn't matter to me. It's not like she's suddenly going to become normal or something." I look away from his form though I can still feel him smile.

"You might be surprised, dear William, what a dress can do." I look up at him and he smiles at me, with this look in his eye that makes me believe him … even just a little.

But I refuse to accept his words. Instead, I shake my head, roll my eyes, and focus on my dinner. He laughs out loud and at that exact moment, my father walks in, shaking from the cold rain outside. "It's always nice to come home to a bright and happy family," he laughs along with my grandfather.

Setting down his briefcase, he unbuttons his jacket and hangs it by the door. He slaps his palms together and walks over to the table, admiring the meat, potatoes, and vegetables spread out before him. He gives his father a kiss on the forehead and nods toward me.

When he sits down, Grandfather and he immediately start to talk about work. Grandfather mentions Alice, and the upcoming dance at the institute. My father agrees with my Grandfather that it would be nice if Mom's dresses were finally put to use. _He totally agrees with it_. It's like he has no respect for my mother. They want to take her memory and throw it on someone crazy, a fool, a freak called Alice Brandon.

I can't stand it anymore. Standing up, I slam my palms down on the table. My father jumps from the sudden burst in noise, but Grandfather just looks over to me quietly; he gives me this look like I'm a small child, being chided for throwing a tantrum. I _hate_ that look.

"I'm finished," I tell them, instead of yelling about the dress. I know that getting upset will only require an apology from me later. And I didn't wat to deal with it or them. With that, I push away from the table, the plates rattling from the force, and to the door.

"I'm going out." I pull it open.

"Where are you going?" my father calls, but doesn't make any more to stop me. We've gone through this a lot since Mom died. This was mostly just routine by now.

"Out."

And the door slams shut behind me, as I walk out into the frigid, rainy air.

* * *

**A/N — Alright, chapter two down! Haha. So, did you guys like it? Has everyone started school again? This week was my first full week and I'm ready for summer already! XD. Of course, next summer will be my last of high school. Ohmygosh, so sad! =''[**

**Please review and let me know!**

**-Liz**


	3. As I See

**I don't own Twilight.**

* * *

**Chapter I** — _"As I See"_

* * *

"Where do you expect we will be next century?" she asks me, her hand playing with the hair on the nape of my neck. We stare up at the stars, as I contemplate my answer. I have thought of this question myself, once or twice in the past few years of the newest century.

She stops playing with my hair as the moment stretches.

Finally, I say, "I suppose we will be flying to the moon, living in the stars, and breathing under water." She laughs and, as she rolls on her side, her laughter compresses to a low chuckle. She kisses the side of my face and continues to play with my hair. "What's so funny?" I ask her.

"I don't think those things will happen," she tells me slowly. She leans over so she hovering over me, without being on top of me. "You've always had an imagination, but those things … they're kind of far-fetched, don't you think?" She chuckles.

I purse my lips and don't answer right away. I believe that they might happen, some day, and I also believe that I will be there to witness them. She is a very logical thinker. Even though she is supposedly a mythological creature, she still doesn't believe certain things will ever happen. "I suppose," I answer.

She doesn't think about travelling to the moon.

But I do.

_As I see_ her leaning back down beside me, I kiss her forehead because I love her. Sometimes, I don't agree with her but the love I hold for her overshadows everything else. Though sometimes my mind wanders, she is the reason I stay on solid ground.

* * *

_Alice_

The next week passes quickly. On Wednesday of that week, William lets me out of my cell and leads me to the front of the building. It's wonderful to breathe in something besides the stale sheets and oily hair of my room. Instead, it smells like medicine and crazy people.

It's not much of a difference, but it's some and that's what I live for.

When Friday comes, a girl named Anne dresses me. She is small for her age and very kind to me. I think that she knows I'm not crazy; but, then again, it could all be an act. That's what the doctors are paid for, I believe, well, that and the fact that they "help" us.

"Grandfather John is so good to you," Anne says, tying a sash around my waist. She smiles up at me and I shyly smile back. The dress is a light blue color with long sleeves and square neck-cut. It's shorter and I'm wearing silk stockings with them and dark shoes. I'm sure this was part of his plan. There was a sparkly shawl that went over my shoulder. Anne had pulled my hair up so it piled up on top of my head. She even applied a bit of makeup to my upper cheeks and eyelids.

I felt beautiful, though I wasn't sure if I was or not.

Anne sighs and gets up, pressing her hands on her thighs to give herself a boost. Her long dark hair frames her face and her forehead glistens in the harsh light. She looks above my eyes and when she finally meets them, a grin spreads across her features.

"There," she says quietly, "you're ready."

I want to look at myself in the mirror, find a reason for her wondering eyes. She looks at awe at my appearance, though I know it has to be false. There was no way I could look so … beautiful to have Anne look at me like that. She's beautiful herself.

"Do I look alright?" I ask her quietly. She nods immediately and I feel my cheeks redden under her gaze, my curiosity hitting the roof of the institute.

"Here," she walks over to her bag, resting on my small bed. She pulls out a handheld mirror and holds it up to my face. I look back at a woman I have never seen before. Her eyes are misty and bright blue; the makeup only heightens the beautiful she already held. Her pale face is slightly flushed and it makes her look innocent and … wonderful.

I feel tears prickle my eyes and the woman in the mirror looks like she's crying too. The woman is so beautiful; all traces of her youthfulness gone from her face.

"You look beautiful," Anne finally answers.

I smile and look away shyly.

* * *

Anne left me alone in my room to help finish with the party. While I wait, I counted the days on my wall several times, thinking about William, the blond soldier, Grandfather, and my mother.

My mother was a beautiful woman. Even in her early forties, she still managed to look youthful and innocent up until the point where I lost contact with her. She was always beautiful, with her long dark hair and pale, flawless face. She had the deepest set of brown eyes that were so radiant.

I loved my mother. I still love my mother, even now, when she hasn't visited me since the day I had my first vision. She was always so magnificent, like a real-life princess when I was younger; it's hard to get rid of that image even after she's done something wicked.

There was a knock at my door that woke me up from my thoughts. Being stuck in this room all day long really took a toile on my brain. I was always spacing out and imagining things. I wasn't like that when I was normal. But now that I'm not normal, spacing out and imagining is a daily habit.

Grandfather walks inside, wearing nice dress pants and a dark sweater. He takes one look at me and I can see his eyes watering up. I smile at him and look to my feet, not sure how to take the reaction. When I look up again, his hand is outstretched towards me.

I bite my lip and take it, just as a lady should.

Then he leads me to the dance, just like a princess would be led by her father down the aisle to her prince, waiting for her.

* * *

_William_

_Bloody hell_, I think, watching as the basket cases dance along with some old music. None of them can keep a beat to save their lives, but, then again, all of them are crazy. Some of the nurses are dancing with the other nurses while most of us — me included — watch, leaning against the wall.

I haven't seen Grandfather all day but I suspect he's dressing Alice. When I got home a few days ago, after the fight at dinner, there was one of Mom's old dresses lying out on the chair, waiting to be worn by that freak.

It had been the dress my mother wore down the aisle to greet my father. It was a very important dress; one that was too important to wear to this stupid, silly dance. "Hey, have you seen the Old Man?" I ask Robert, who sips his punch beside me. He swallows, looks left to right, slowly, scanning the crowd. He shrugs and takes another drink.

"I haven't seen him since he went into that … ah, what's her name?" He cocks his head to the side and thinks about it for a little while. "Well, he went into a patient's room about twenty minutes ago. I think he was going to bring her down here. God, what the hell was her name?" He shakes his head and looks at me. "Anyway, I passed him and they were talking about you."

I roll my eyes. "It's Alice Brandon," I said.

"Yeah! That's it!" He smacks himself in the head, finally recognizing the name. "I think she was nervous about coming down here, though I couldn't hear her talking. Oh, there they are." I watch his face as it shifts from the nonchalant-uncaring face to wide eyes and … shock.

I feel my eyebrows furrow and I turn around to be greeted with the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my entire life. She had dark hair, pulled up into loops. Her face is very natural with hardly any makeup and my mother's dress looked …

Wait.

My mother's dress.

Alice Brandon looked shyly to the crowd. The music stops momentarily for every to stare at her. Some of the crazies start to clap loudly and then they return to their misfit dancing. Robert eventually looks away, back to the crowd but, hard as I might, I can't look away.

Grandfather is the first to catch my eye. He winks and motions for me to join them. I don't want to but I start walking against my will. It's almost like that first day I saw Alice Brandon walk through the doors; I thought she was beautiful then, before I found out she was nuts. It felt a little like that now.

Only this time I knew she was crazy. And yet … I still thought she was beautiful.

"Hello," Grandfather says when I reach them. I nod in his direction and then look at Alice. She pretends not to notice me and looks to the crowd of the dancers. I look down her covered arms and wonder about things I shouldn't wonder about.

"Miss Brandon," I say, greeting her finally, just like she wants.

She looks at me and smiles lightly. I can tell she's nervous by her eyes but she does an excellent job at covering it up. "Hello," she whispers quietly. She then looks at Grandfather and says rather boldly, "Grandfather, will you teach me how to dance?"

My grandfather laughs and looks at me. "I'm no dancer, dear Alice. I haven't done any such thing since Evelyn and I were still young." He mentions my grandmother like she's still around. Like she wasn't murdered two years ago by a monster.

"But William took lessons when he was younger." I snap my head back to reality and look at him with wide eyes. Alice shivers and then looks at me. "I'm sure," Grandfather says staring at me hardly, "that he would love to teach you."

Alice does not say anything, though I could tell she was about to. I give my grandfather a look and then hand him my drink. "Absolutely," I smile, "I would love to teach her." Though I really don't for fear that I would do something I would regret later, I could tell this was important to my grandfather.

I bow slightly and take her by the hand. She is shy and walks slowly behind me. I could feel eyes staring at me, making my ears red. This was so embarrassing. It was so embarrassing that it made me want to rip all of their eyes out.

"I'm sorry," Alice says quietly as I pull her a little closer to me. A slower, sadder song played in the distance and all of the mental cases and random nurses paired up and slow danced alongside us. I placed my hand on her waist and I felt her body involuntarily shiver. Or maybe it was mine?

"Sorry?" I repeat. "Why would you be sorry?"

She blushes and looks away from me. I can't help but think that her flushed face is sweet and innocent; naive even though she's clearly seen more than many her age. She doesn't answer me and we dance awkwardly for a few moments.

"How old are you?" I ask her.

"I'm seventeen," she answers immediately. "My birthday was celebrated about a week before I came here. It was the last time I saw any of my family members." I could see pain come across her features but it disappears quickly. "How old are you?" she asks me, much to my surprise.

"I'm twenty," I say. "I'll be twenty one at the end of the December.

She laughs. I give her a look. She shrugs. "I didn't know you were so much older than me," she says. "I always thought we were about the same age. Of course, my mother always told me I was an adult born into a baby. Maybe I just didn't notice."

I smile. "Or maybe I'm just immature."

"Maybe so," she replies and winks slyly. I have never seen this part of Alice Brandon. And, through the bitterness, the pain, and everything else I have to deal with, I can get rid of it right now. She's a different person than me with different problems but … right now, it's like she is an escape.

"How long have you been working here?" she asks me next.

"Well, I started when I was fifteen, just cleaning and helping the cooks and my grandfather," I tell her easily. "I was always interested in this institute. The way Grandfather talked about it … he described it as some kind of heaven.

"It was only when I officially started working with the patients to find out that he was wrong." It was a blunt and honest answer and I could see it reflect in her eyes. I want to apologize but my pride stops me. It was the truth, after all.

"Not all of the patients are that bad, are they?" she asks.

"No," I tell her, "but only when they talk back is when I think that way." I smile at her and she rolls her eyes. "It's a good thing that you've only done that once. Or you would probably be one of the patients I look forward to the least."

She shakes her head and looks at her feet. "Am I one that you look forward to the most?" she asks.

Come to think of it, I think, she was one that I was never dreaded seeing. Sure, she definitely wasn't my favorite what with her crazy stories about the blond soldier and the monsters, the same ones my grandfather talks about, but it interested me. Unlike many of the others.

"Yes," I tell her and she smiles again.

Several minutes pass and we continue to dance. Eventually a more upbeat song starts to play and I can see that she's not comfortable with the songs. "Would you like to go outside?" I ask her. She seems surprised and freezes under my arm.

Then she looks up at me, smiles, and that is that.

We walk outside. It is warm despite the chill of the past few days. The moon is bright and illuminates are faces and clothes. She looks a bit like an angel. It's surprising. As we sit down on a bench, she smiles and asks, "Why are you looking at me that way?" she asks.

Without thinking, I brush a strand away from her face. Her eyes are innocent, waiting, and so different than they are while inside that damn cell. I surprise myself by thinking that I want this to continue even after tonight. I surprise myself even more when I think that it's always been this way, ever since I first saw her.

I just hadn't realized it until this night.

"Grandfather was right," I tell, keeping my palm resting on her cheek. She smiles and gently places her hand on resting hand. "A dress," I say, "can change everything."

* * *

**A/N — I'm sorry for taking so long to update! School, band, newspaper, and freshmen mentoring has been keeping me super busy and I haven't had a lot of time to write. I'll try to be better but I can't promise updates every week, but I'll try.**

**=] Did you enjoy the chapter? Please review!**

**-Liz**


	4. As I Walk

**I don't own Twilight.**

* * *

**Chapter IV** — _"As I Walk"_

* * *

She collapses with heavy breathing. Early dawn peaks over the forest and I look up from the ground to the starts that will soon disappear. She kisses my chest and I want to respond but these are times where I finally feel tired, though unable to sleep.

The clouds rush in and it starts to rain. Time passes slowly when it doesn't pass for us. I remember being human, vaguely, and it I remember time seeming to fly by. When I was younger it was a dead crawl however once I hit the last days of my schooling, it was already over.

When I turned, time immediately was that slow crawl again. I was alone for so long, with nothing to do but drink and … _live_ as an undead. When I met her, life seemed to seep back into me, even if just a little. But now, it was that way again.

Was this how I was supposed to live forever?

Immortality was something people wanted. Immortality was supposed to give you the key to all knowledge. When people became immortal, they are finally granted what millions hope for but never achieve before they finally sleep.

Forever is something not to be wasted.

_As I walk_, Forever drags along slowly.

* * *

_Alice_

I think I am dreaming.

I must be dreaming. This kind of situation would never happen if I was awake. If I was awake, William would not be looking at me like this. I wouldn't feel my heart beating so quickly or so loudly if I was awake. I was never _this_ alive.

But in this moment … I am.

I could feel his eyes looking at me in a way that he had never looked before. He was staring at the way the moonlight reflected my dark eyes, the way it showered my skin with its serene light. He watched the way my chest moved up and down as I breathed. I knew because I saw the same thing when I look at him. In the walls of my small room, I see him – all of him.

And he can see me – the real me – too. Finally.

He gently removes his hand from my face. I swallow too loudly and I know he notices; I blush and want to look away, down to the ground – away from him – but I can't. I'm trapped in his eyes, as cliché as that is, and I can't seem to break the hold he has on me.

"You're different," he tells me after a while. His hands are in his lap and I want him to touch my cheek again, hold me like no one has before. I've wanted him for such a long time. Two months may not seem so long for someone who isn't trapped but for me – I've been watching him for years.

"I know," I tell him. "It's the dress." He smiles and pulls his left leg around the bench so he is straddling it. He looks at me with strange eyes, like he's studying me. I finally am able to look away and I look to the bench details: the cracks worn from age and the small impressions of rocks in the cement.

He's still looking at me. He's never looked at me this long. Not without his notebook. Never in my dreams or even my visions. I didn't see this one coming, as strange as that is for me. I am not one to be caught off guard. And here I am … caught off guard.

"Why are you here?" he asks me seriously. Deciding that I want to be familiar with him, I pull up my legs and sit cross legged. He is surprised – as this is unthought-of by most women, but I am not most women. I bite my lip and study his face: the small scar just outside his mouth, the stubble of a long days' work yet unshaven, the impression of dimples on just the right side.

Finally, I answer. "I am here because …" I know he's asking about the reason why I am at the institute at all. We are addressing the problem that keeps me away from normalcy, and ultimately, him. I smile at him and say, "because you asked me if I wanted to go outside."

He rolls his eyes. "Yes but why are you _here_?"

My smile falls. "Because I was scared," I tell him honestly. Sure, he had asked me the question before in our several sessions but it was always safer to answer untruthfully. What could I say to get me out of here? I always wonder. I become distant, maybe they'll let me out for good behavior – like I was a criminal for being different.

"Scared?"

I look away from dimples, his scar, and to his eyes. They are vast oceans, deadly oceans with storms brewing and winds coming — but I can see the lining of the sunrise. I smile sadly. "When I first saw something in the future, I was scared. I was only seventeen years old, I was still a girl. I saw – see – monsters that attack humans, prey on the weak. What was I supposed to do? Keep that a secret?"

I can feel a wetness on my eyelids.

"I just told my mother," I say quietly. "I just told her what I saw. And she sent me here without so much as an 'I love you' or a 'goodbye.' She was just … gone."

For a long while we sit like that, in perfect silence. I feel tears seep from my eyes and run down the fading laugh lines of childhood. Finally, he reaches up and brushes one of the tears away. He rests both of his palms on my cheeks and brings his face in close.

My first kiss, I think. This is it – this is the moment that will forever be imbedded in my mind. I will never forget this moment. My first kiss; and despite the circumstance, I feel excited, my heart beating stronger than ever before.

He comes in very close. Close enough to feel the breath rushing in and out of me. Close enough to nearly feel the slightest bit of skin touch his. Then, without words, without preparation, without anything, he kisses me tenderly on the mouth.

I keep my eyes wide open as he presses his lips fully into mine. His face scrunches slightly as he presses harder. I don't know how to respond so I gently push back with my lips. Just enough to feel him stiffen and pull back, his eyes opening.

His eyes search mine for something. I see the moonlight across his cheeks and the wind picks up, blowing his long hair. He doesn't move for a long time, his hands still resting on my cheeks. If he pressed harder, it would be like he was greeting a small child. But he isn't greeting a small child.

I am not a child any longer. Not since the day I was sent here.

"William," I say quietly. "I'm sorry." He doesn't respond but instead still looks at me. I feel my cheeks hot under his burning palms. I must have done something wrong, I think. I must have kissed him wrong or kissed him at all. I barely pressed him back! I feel the tears return but I do not let them fall. I am embarrassed and humiliated. Why did I allow myself to think that?

Gently, I feel his hands leave my cheeks. The night air is suddenly cold on my cheeks, like ice on a burn. He breaks his eyes away from mine, looks to the ground, and sighs heavily. I watch him, my hands shaking and my eyes like water.

Then he gets up, leaves me there. He walks fast inside the building. I look away after he's disappeared from my view. I swallow and my mouth hangs open. The tears are back again and falling with more vengeance. I cry out quietly and lay forward on the bench, letting my legs slip over one edge.

What a fool, to think he would love someone like you, I could hear my conscience sneer. I was feeling sorry for myself and it seemed like everything from the past two months were finally reaching me. I cried for my mother, for my first love, for my first kiss.

The moon was bright overhead.

I felt a warm material touch my cold shoulders. I look up to see Grandfather above me. He smiles down at me sadly. His wrinkles, though ageless, seem to deepen as he stares at my miserable expression. He sits next to me, adjusting his jacket, so my shoulders are fully covered.

"I thought," I say very quietly after a long while in silence, "that this would be different. Tonight. I thought he would … be different. The next step in our relationship. But now it's all ruined."

I look up at him. He gaze never leaves mine. "It _was_ different," he says very quietly. "Something has changed in his heart, Granddaughter. He saw the beauty behind the dress, behind the makeup, and behind the patient." He touches my hair that is falling from its beauty.

"He saw you, dear, precious Alice. _He saw you_ and it has scared him."

* * *

_William_

It is cold now.

I could feel it as I stuff my hands down to the deep corridors of my pockets. Inside, I felt a wrapper of a chocolate one of the parents of a patient gave me. It was something they made in their shop and brought me one every week when they came to visit.

They loved their son, though he was deformed and couldn't comprehend anything better than a child of two years. It made me so sad to watch them brush his hair and kiss his cheek and think that he will never be normal for them. And yet they still loved him so much.

Alice's mother shunned her, buried an empty coffin in the ground, and cried at her own misfortune at night, instead of her daughter's. Alice wasn't even one of the worst. She was actually somewhat normal – besides the whole "seeing the future" thing.

I shake my head hard, trying to escape from Alice and her sad past. I don't want to think about how much I must have hurt her this evening. I don't know what came over me. She looked so beautiful in her dress and with the moon and her smile and her past, I just couldn't help myself.

And when she started to push back, to feel something too, I knew I had to pull away. I couldn't have anything with a patient. After all, she is my patient. It's unprofessional not to mention, she is in on the lesser side of society. I would be sent to jail. I would be labeled.

Was I willing to risk it? Hell no.

I couldn't risk my career, my future life on that of Alice Brandon. I couldn't even try to pretend that she is normal. She is far from normal. It is almost scary how un-normal she is. I wipe my face with my palms, breathing deeply and exhaling hard.

But she isn't a crazy, I know. She isn't a nuthouse – she is just a girl of seventeen years. Not really a girl, however, but a young woman. No, not a girl or a young woman: just a woman. She is a woman of feelings and … qualities. She is normal, in her own – special – way.

My house is right up ahead and I run the rest of the way there. I can see a light burning in the window which means my father is home. I trudge of the way and take off my shoes – it was something we always did in our house. My mother hated to clean to floors so, as a way to help lift her burdens we always took off our shoes before entering.

Even after her death, we haven't stopped the tradition.

I open the door and my father looks up from his newspaper. The candle nearly blows from the harsh wind chasing after me but it stays lit. I look at my father and, when my eyes meet his, I can't stand it anymore. I can't stand this life and I can't stand myself. I can't my mother's death, Alice's normality, and my ignorance.

I can't stand the fact that I can't get her away from me.

"Son?" my father says quietly.

I walk over to him sit down across from him. His wrinkled eyes crinkle and I can see his hair turn just a little grayer in the light. His glasses fall to the tip of his nose and he gently pushes them back. "What is wrong, William?" he asks.

I look at him.

And I tell him about Alice Brandon.

* * *

Later that night, I lay in my bed, staring at my ceiling. It is pitch black in my room; no moonlight or any other light anywhere. I think about what I had told my father. I told him all about Alice; from my first sight, thinking she was beautiful to finding out she is crazy to finding out that she isn't crazy.

He listened. My father was a fantastic listener.

Then he looked at me and told me, "If you really have feelings for someone, the other things can't matter. And if you really care about this person and they still matter, you need to get to know them a little better." He had winked then and said, "That's only if you really care though."

And I do care for her, I realize. Sure, I don't know her – at all – outside of the twenty minute sessions we have together but I can get to know her better. She was an exception, I figure, to the crazy rule. Because they way she looked tonight in my mother's dress – I have never seen anyone so beautiful besides my mother.

Alice is someone I hadn't ever noticed until tonight. What did that say about me? I wonder, but I don't think anymore on the subject. My mind drifts to the kiss. Surely it was her first kiss; and look what I did to her. I ran out without so much as an explanation and leave her in the cold.

I must have hurt her.

I roll over in my bed and bury my face into the mattress. I don't want to think anymore about anything but my mind has other plans. I have a free day tomorrow since its Saturday and no work on Sunday because of church and family but I have work on Monday.

What am I going to say to her? How will I make this better? What can I do to make her forgive me? How will she respond? Oh, God, what is going to happen?

What can I do … to kiss her again.

* * *

**A/N — I am TERRIBLE about updating! I'm so sorry for anyone reading! School has been KILLING me; I can't even write at all! Gosh. Anyway, this is the next chapter. I hope everyone enjoyed it! This story is so different from my last one – but I'm having fun. =]**

**Please review!**

**-Liz**


	5. As I Feel

**I don't own Twilight.**

* * *

**Chapter V** — _"As I Feel"_

* * *

Sometimes, I want to go out into public and stand in the sunlight, just to feel the warmth against my skin … or lack thereof. Sometimes, I wish to be human. I want to know what it feels like to die. However, in this life, I will never die naturally.

The ring of fire can take me away to some other place but nothing else. People are dying from diseases without a cure and want to live. I am nearly indestructible and I want to die. It seems ironic that that the greatest potion of life, fountain of youth lies in a monster.

"What are you thinking about?" he asks from across me. We huddle around a fire to pretend like we are just out for the night exploring. We can't even feel the heat of the fire. We are like ice though unable to melt; we can only stare at the warmth and remain cold.

"I was thinking about humans," I reply, my voice full of absolutely nothing. He catches my eye and we stare at each other for a long moment. He can see what I mean.

"They are delicious and very stupid," he says, covering up for my thoughts. As she watches the awkward conversation, I can see her face scrunch in confusion. She picks at a leaf; peeling the plant into pieces. But she doesn't say anything. She doesn't need to.

_As I feel_ absolutely nothing, my future is changing.

* * *

_Alice_

***

_I want to remember what it feels like to live. I want to feel the wind and the sunshine. I want to be able to touch a knife and bleed, to eat food and feel full, to drink water and no longer be thirsty. __I wake up from my drowsiness and look around. I can't remember anything. Everything is a blurry haze. I try to focus on my memories, the reason I am lying on the ground in the middle of a forest. There is blood all around me and my clothes are ripped._

_I am thirsty._

_Looking around me, I can smell that there is water from a river about a quarter of a mile from where I am sitting now. But, somehow, water is not what I want to drink. My throat is burning – almost like I haven't drunk anything in years – but the smell of water is nearly repulsive._

_My head starts to hurt and my hands begin shaking. I remember this process, though I don't know what it means. And then I see it: in this … vision, I see a blond soldier sitting at a diner all alone. I smile brightly at him, though I've never seen him in person before and stroll up to him._

_The picture changes and suddenly I see a doctor. "You wanted to talk to me … Alice, Edward said your name was?" I nod. "What can I help you with?" He has a pleasant face and a nice smile, though I can see the confusion across his face._

_"I want to be like you, Dr. Cullen," I tell him, "I want to drink blood like your family. I don't want to kill anyone and I've had visions of coming to you so I wouldn't."_

_I come back to reality and look around me. I am still in the forest with the burning throat, the ripped clothes, and the blood on the ground. Blood … I think and I can feel my throat twitch with anticipation. It occurs to me then … I am a vampire, and I need drink._

***

The weekend passes by too quickly.

I dread Monday morning when William comes to talk to me about my latest set of dreams. I keep hoping he won't even come, though I want to see him still. I am still humiliated from the night of the party, though I can't stop thinking about his kiss. The way his lips felt against mine.

I want to taste them again, under different circumstances. I want to be normal for him. I can never be normal for him. For the entire weekend, I think of ways I can get out of seeing him on Monday. I can pretend to be sick but, then again, I'm already "sick." Grandfather told me on Sunday there was no way of getting out of it.

He also told me William had locked himself in his room. Edward – William's father – had tried to talk to him, bring him food, and other things but William would never respond. Grandfather told me it was because William was thinking about me.

Grandfather is such a great liar, I think.

By Monday morning, I have not thought of a way to get out of my meeting with him. He comes in quietly, wearing the same jacket he wore at the dance. He sits down in his chair, without his notebook for once, and he doesn't look at me. He looks like he was beaten up this morning before he came in to work. I sigh heavily and he stiffens up but doesn't look at me.

For the entire time we're supposed to be talking about the dreams I have had – which were a lot by the way – instead we sit in complete silence. The air is tense and he only moved once when he rested his arms on his thighs and leaned forward.

For awhile I watch him; then, when I realize that he's not going to look at me, I lay back down on my bed and stuff my pillow under my head. I close my eyes and feel sleep take over me. I accept it gratefully, William or not, because I haven't been able to sleep since the dance.

I see other things while sleeping. The blond soldier comes to mind many times – he always does when I'm upset. For the three nights and two days I had hope of my mother coming to save me from this hellhole, I used to see him hovering in every corner of my being. When I realized she wasn't and had accepted that, he disappeared and I saw things that didn't involve me necessarily.

***

_I see William now, in my dreams, standing by a pond. _

_There is a girl next to him. She has auburn hair and bright hazel eyes and they sparkle in the moonlight. Her dress is white and she is wearing silk stocking; she has a jacket on, blocking her from the cold. William looks just about the same. His hair is shorter now, but not by much, and hair falls in his eyes a bit. He looks older than he does now, so this vision must be far in the future._

_He looks nervous, more so than he has ever looked. I watch them from a distance. Though this is a vision and they can't see me, I still feel odd walking into their personal lives._

_"They water is beautiful," the girl remarks, casting her eyes away from William's face to the pond next to them. He nods quietly and puts on of his hands in his pocket. I can see the material move up and down, like he's playing with something._

_"Do you know what today is?" he asks her after a long while. She looks away from the water and back into his eyes. I can nearly feel her heart soar just to look at him. William had a hard past, she thinks, but he has changed so much from the man I knew when I first met him, six months ago._

_"Today," she answers in a clear, honest voice, "is the anniversary of the very first date I had, when I was thirteen years old." She looks at him and smiles playfully. He smirks back. They laugh together; I realize then that I have never heard William laugh._

_"Is it really?" he asks, placing the hand outside his pocket on his hip. He gives an expression that makes her cover her smile and laugh even louder._

_"No, I was making that up," she replies. "Today marks our six month anniversary. Am I right?" He nods, more serious now. "Why do you ask? You must have remembered somehow. That's more than any man I've met in my whole life." She smiles brightly at him and I can feel her radiance. I wonder … have I ever smiled like that?_

_Nodding, he removes the object from his pocket but hides it in his hand. "There's something I want to ask you …" he says quietly. She looks at him curiously. I sneak forward to hear what he is saying. The nervousness is oozing out of him. The sweat on his brow, his playful hands, his awkward smiles; though I didn't know this side of him, I could tell he was worried and scared._

_"Well, here's the thing …" He stops and tries again. "I love you and I …" He stops again. Finally, as if words cannot express what he is trying to say, he takes her hand and sets the object inside it. He closes her fingers around it. As soon as the item touched her fingers, tears filled her eyes._

_"E …" she starts to say something but he cuts her off with a kiss. She grips the object hard in her hands as he cups her face with his hands. For a long moment, they stay like that. Their lips didn't move but they stay resting on each other. Finally, he looks away._

_"I can't say anything without sounding like a fool but …" he rests his forehead against hers and she holds up the ring. I feel the breath leave my body completely. Tears spring into my eyes as I watch my first love ask his love to marry him. "But … you've changed me, and I love you. Will you marry me?"_

_She nods with multiple yeses as he slips the ring over her finger._

_"And I have something to tell you," she says quietly. He looks at her now, the smile fading. "Remember when we went out to this pond on the blanket and …" she blushes in the moonlight and he looks away. It isn't proper to engage in those kind of activities before being married._

_He nods and smiles at her._

_She leans up and whispers something into his ear._

***

My eyes open slowly. At first I don't recognize where I am at. The lights were bright and the bed sheets were too bright to look at. When my eyes adjust, I could feel something against my arms. It was scratchy and smells like leather. I blink twice before my vision clears.

I meet William's eyes. They're close to my face, like he was watching me. When he sees me wake, he doesn't look surprised. Instead, his eyes look even sadder than when he enters the room. Or perhaps it's the vision I saw that makes me think this way. He seemed so happy then … or rather, soon. Why can't he be happy now?

"I've never had a patient fall asleep in a visit before," he says quietly. I watch him, not moving. "You really are different, Alice Brandon." He closes his eyes and kisses the top of my head. As his lips press into my hairline, I feel a chill run through me.

He leaves me alone. I have a fear now: a fear of losing him. I am going to lose him to this girl in the future. It makes me sad to think that the little time I have with him is soon going to be gone.

I sit up and something falls off my shoulders. I look down and see his jacket lying beside me. I think about Saturday and how cold I was just sitting there by myself. I pull the jacket up and rewrap it around my shoulders. I smell the collar – it smells like the outdoors and the cold wind.

Then I feel even worse. I know this isn't going to last. And I want it to last forever. I lay back down and rest my head on my pillow, breathing him in, knowing I should enjoy the present before the future comes.

* * *

_William_

"Edward," Grandfather says to my father that night.

I look up from my meal, hearing the seriousness in Grandfather's voice. He looks sad almost and my father turns away from the paper to look at him. "Yes, father?" he asks, putting the paper aside. My father has always polite like that. When someone talks, he listens solely to him or her.

"It's November already," he says quietly. I look away. November of the year 1900 is the end of the first year of the century. Before my mother died, almost four years ago now, she had always looked forward to this year. She was convinced that America would start to expand and develop, becoming something greater than it was already.

She is right; things are happening. People are thinking and inventing, creating things that we need in this world. However, my mother is not here to see them.

On November 13 of this year, it will be four years since the death of my mother and grandmother. It will be the fourth anniversary since they were brutally murdered in town, just a mile away from here. It will be the fourth year since everything had changed.

"You're right," Father says and looks away.

The conversation ends awkwardly there.

For the rest of dinner, I watch my grandfather. His face seems so sad and lost. I remember him at the dance and the smile he wore when he looked at Alice. She brings him so much joy, I think. He is always the patient he talks about, always the girl who is the best. He loves Alice just as much as he loved my mother, his daughter-in-law.

What about her makes him so happy? I look at my father as he reads the paper. He knows about Alice; Grandfather talks about her all the time. He doesn't even know her personally and he loves her just as much. Why? I wonder. What about her is it that makes us all think of my mother and my grandmother?

And why do we so desperately want to hang onto her?

* * *

I walk into work the next morning and immediately go to Alice Brandon's room. She is sleeping with my jacket on her shoulders. I watch her. Her mouth is open and I can hear her light, feathery breath as she inhales and exhales. Her face is serene but it soon turns to terror.

Is this one of the visions she always talks about? Is she in here because of these visions that seem like nothing more than dreams? She was trapped here because of her dreams? Could they be nothing more than dreams? Or are the really visions?

I walk over to her when I see tears fall down her cheeks. One runs over her nose and drops to the leather of my jacket. I pull up the chair and sit next to her. Her hand hangs limply over the edge of the bed. I take it and look at the white palm, so small and fragile.

When I look back up her eyes are open and she's staring at me. I let go of her hand and stare back at her. She sits up slowly and we sit in total silence. There is not one thing making a sound in her room except the sound of our breathing.

"It's not time for our visit yet, is it?" she asks quietly. Her voice is quiet and kind and full of fear she tries to hide, "because if it is … I may have overslept." She smiles a very small smile and I shake my head, laughing, though I'm not sure why.

"Sometimes I wonder why my grandfather and my father love you so much," I tell her seriously. "My father, after all, hasn't even met you. And my grandfather goes out of his way to see you. And then you say something or do something that tells me why."

I lean forward and brush a strand of long black hair away from her face and let my palm fall on her cheek. "Why is that?" she asks while her eyes are close. I can feel her skin, so warm and soft under my fingertips. When she opens her eyes, I'm falling.

"You are so beautiful," I tell her. "You don't even have to do anything and you have my father and grandfather under your spell." She blushes and bites her lip, embarrassed. "And you have me too," I add quietly. "You have me."

She looks at me and leans back as I come forward. I take her shoulders and press her up against the wall of her room. She leans her head back and I kiss her lips. At first she does nothing, afraid that I will break away again but I squeeze her shoulders and she begins to respond.

Our lips move together clumsily and we break away three seconds after we've start and I laugh out loud and so does she. "I'm bad at this, I'm sorry," she says.

"No," I tell her and lean back. "You're not bad at it. We both are."

And we laugh once more.

* * *

**A/N — I hope you enjoyed the chapter! I just want to apologize. I was researching Alice before writing this story and, for some strange reason, I got it into my head that she was **_**changed**_** in the year 1901, not born. So, for this story's sake, she was changed in 1901. I apologize if any of you guys are hardcore about the facts! It just has to be this way. XD. I have it in my head. It won't leave. Haha. **

**Also, I have made a fake movie poster for this story. It is up on my deviantART page. The link is:  
w w w . z a p e n b i t s . d e v i a n t a r t . c o m  
(remove the spaces!)**

**So, I hope you review! =]**

**-Liz**


	6. As I Differ

**I don't own Twilight.**

* * *

**Chapter VI** — _"As I Differ"_

* * *

We approach a new state with new blood and a fresh start. It is the state of Mississippi. I remember learning about Mississippi when it first became a state. It seems life lifetimes ago when it happened but it really wasn't.

She breathes in beside me. "There are humans coming this way," she says, smiling down the river. "There are four of them, two males, two females. A family." She is licking her lips now. I remember that I used to have parents, a sister even. I never thought of them until now. "I think we've found our first meal. What do you think?"

I look at her to answer but she's looking away, to the other. He looks at her and nods, licking the corners of his lips in anticipation. I look down the way and see that the family heads toward us, completely unaware of anything around them.

I feel sorry for them. I won't try to hide it beneath the fangs and the thirst. This is the first time I have ever … not wanted to kill someone. It was strange but I could see myself in that family. The little boy was blond and small for his age, a bit too skinny with skinned elbows – he was me, in a past life.

The others start to head toward them, crouching so they are not seen. I lean back against the tree I have been sitting against and breath in the new blood and fresh start. This is the state of Mississippi. And as I hear the cries and painful deaths of the young family behind me, I bend over and breathe, wanting to cry.

_As I differ_ from the others, I can't help wonder what is to become of me.

* * *

_Alice_

William says he has to leave. For the past hour we have been sitting on my bed, talking. We tried kissing again and it went better this time. My stomach kept filling up with butterflies which makes me want to throw up and keep going all at the same time.

Before he leaves, he kisses my forehead and holds his lips there for a few moments. I close my eyes and hold my breath, afraid that the noise would ruin the moment. He leaves me before I open my eyes. When I do, I am all alone in my room.

For the first time since I've come here, I can feel my mouth slowly forming a smile. At first it's small but it grows to a grin. I haven't felt such a real thing since … since before I can even remember. I take a deep breath, look at my hands, and feel like something good has finally happened to me.

***

"_I've waited a long time for you," I say, looking at him._

_He is the only one I remember from my human. Other than him, everything else is blank. I can remember my longing for him, the one I would finally call my own. I was all alone and he was the only thing I lived for. He's the only thing I live for._

_He brushes back a piece of his blond hair with his fingers and smiles. "I'm sorry, ma'am, but … have we met each other before?" I shake my head. He smiles a bit and sighs, running a hand through his hair. "Good. I mean, that we haven't met. My mother would have called me rude for not remembering such a … beautiful woman as yourself."_

_My heart is still, my blood is cold but I can feel everything start to race and to heat under his gaze. I wonder briefly if he thinks I am crazy. He shakes his head as if he hears my thoughts, and then says, "Well, I am Jasper Hale … and you are?"_

_I shake my head, ridding the thoughts, and take his hand. I stare into his bloody eyes and say, "I'm Alice. I can see the future." It was blunt and he is taken by surprise but I keep going. "I've seen you here many times. I can't even tell you how many times." He's the only thing I've ever had a hold of. Through the pain, he has always been there, even though I didn't even know him._

_He believes me._

_He can see it in my eyes._

_"I know what we have to do," I tell him. "Please, come with me." I hold out my hand, my heart in my throat. My mind is blank – his decision has not been made yet. He looks down at my hand, pale and breakable, though they are from both._

_I feel like crying. For what seems like years I've been seeing him. He's flesh and blood I finally get to see. I am not crazy. My visions really do come true. Those months I spent all alone, thinking I was crazy – they were false. I can feel an emotional rush and start to breath heavily._

_He looks up at me, concerned. He knows how I am feeling. He can feel the panic, the relief, the sadness, the confusion, the hope. He can feel everything. I suddenly feel calm. He looks into my eyes and lifts his hand slowly. My breath hitches._

_He gently picks up a strand of my short hair and brushes it out of my eyes. "I trust you," he says quietly, answering all of my questions. "Take me with you, Alice."_

***

I open my eyes and look up from my spot on the floor when there is a knock outside my door. Grandfather walks inside with a bowl and a glass of water. He sets it down in front of me. It's some kind of soup with vegetables and potatoes. I take it and sip it right from the bowl, seeing that I didn't have a spoon.

I hear a sharp intake of breath and look up to Grandfather, some of the soup sloshes and runs down my chin. Grandfather's mouth is hanging open and his hand is extending toward me with a spoon. I smile sheepishly and take it, after setting the bowl on the ground.

"What?" I ask, nervous now. I run my fingers up and down the cold metal of the spoon.

He laughs. "That's the most I've seen you eat since you first came here." I feel my cheeks redden as his laughter booms off the walls. "Did something happen this morning? William missed breakfast. I assumed he came here to see you."

This makes me even more embarrassed and he became even more tickled. He laughs once again and I giggle towards the end of the fit. Then I nod quietly. "Yes, he came to see me this morning," I tell him. He gives a knowing smirk but doesn't say anything else.

For an hour, we sit on the floor of my cell and talk. It feels good to sit with him and talk about things that we usually do. Sometimes, it's about his nature and who he is. Sometimes, it's about the food. And sometimes, it's about William and Grandfather's plans to make me his official granddaughter.

Today, that is the subject.

Throughout the conversation, I let him talk like I actually have a chance with him in the future. I don't tell him about my vision and I don't tell him about the girl who will take my place. I am bitter towards her; I don't want to lose anything I have but it's inevitable.

I just wish it isn't.

But then I think about Jasper and our future and I can't let that vision slip through my fingers either. It's just choosing which forever is the hardest – especially when it's already decided.

He leaves a while later and William returns again. He is now here as the doctor William. He smirks when he enters but doesn't rush at me and shower me with kisses. I almost laugh out loud at the thought; not only would William ever do that – even if he was in a mood – but here of all places seems a little … extreme.

I smile up at him before I notice.

He has his dreaded notebook. I look at him in his eyes. Though I didn't expect him to be frolicking inside my room with roses and chocolates, I didn't expect the sudden seriousness. When he enters, he smirks but there was nothing behind his eyes.

"Did you have any dreams this weekend?" he asks, looking down at his notebook.

My face falls. I look at him, too confused to answer. When I don't answer for a few minutes, he looks up at me. He notices my expression and sets the notebook aside. "Alice," he says quietly. He comes over to my bed where I'm sitting and rests his palm on my cheek.

I pull away.

"It's not like this," he explains. "While here … we have to remain as patient and doctor; we can never be caught. If we do … I could lose my job and you'll be transferred to another hospital. It would break my grandfather's heart and … mine too."

I look away from him and to the floor. I try to breathe calmly. I am angry, something William has invoked in me for awhile now. "Just don't," I look up at him, "just don't act like you hate me all the time. I am a mental case and it's not fair when you pull away like that. It's confusing and frankly a little rude."

I give him a look and he chuckles. He kisses me on the forehead then on the tip of the nose. "Okay, Alice, I'm sorry. It's just … this is so … so …"

"Weird?" I imply, hearing a word from the future.

He nods. "Strangely, yes, quite … weird." He laughs. He walks over to his chair and picks up his notebook then walks back over to my bed. He sits across from me and opens it up. I watch the notebook make a perfect half-circle as it travels to its open state. "Did you dream at all?" he asks much more gently.

I nod. "I dreamt of the soldier again," I tell him. I have no intention of telling him his own future. Though I'm plagued with this curse to see the future, it doesn't mean I have to spoil it for anyone else. There's that … and the fact that I want to change it.

"He was sitting in a diner," I tell him, "I walked up to him and started talking to him. He was so calming and so very beautiful." I see his face in the back of my mind and think of how he held my hand when I had my first vision with him, and told me that he loved me more than anything. He loved me enough to trust me when he had no idea if I would lead him to danger or safety.

William nods and writes something down in his notebook. "I didn't have any other dreams," I tell him, brushing my hair behind my shoulders and then leaning against the wall. I pull my legs up to my chin and watch him as he finishes his entry.

When he finishes, he closes the notebook and stares at the cover. "Does it upset you?" I ask him quietly, the side of my mouth presses up against my kneecap, "that I see another man in my dreams?"

He bites his lip and then sighs heavily.

"It doesn't bother me," he says. "They're just dreams, right?" He looks up at me and smiles all-knowing. "Dreams don't mean anything anyway." He slaps his hands against his notebook then stands. "I have to go. Bye, Alice." He kisses my hairline and then leaves.

I feel like his stepped on my heart. Dreams are everything to me. The fact that he can just brush them aside and dismiss them as something … insignificant makes me …

It makes me wish for Jasper.

* * *

_William_

When the day ends, I want to say goodbye to Alice without seeming to suspicious. While leaving the building with a couple of the nurses and I say that I forgot something inside and run back inside to get it after telling them to go on ahead without me.

Alice is sitting in her room, all alone, sleeping. The sunset from the windows behind me spills onto her face, making her skin look bright and healthier than it ever has before. I leave the door open because there isn't a light inside the room. She has to live by just the small opening cut out of the door.

Suddenly, I feel so sorry for her. She isn't even crazy and she has to live like this. How much she must miss feeling the sun on her skin and the moon shining in her hair. I wonder if she misses real food, like fresh bread and pure sugar in her coffee. I wonder how long it's been since she's had a fresh piece of meat, or if she's had any at all, ever.

And suddenly I want to take care of her.

Without thinking, I walk over to her and shake her shoulder. "Alice," I whisper to her and she slowly comes to, blinking her eyes several times before seeing me standing above her. I smile at her and she rubs her eyes with a curled fist.

"William?" she says quietly. "What are you doing here?"

I smile and look at her, kissing the top of her head. "Want to go outside with me for a few minutes? Everyone else is gone and I just wanted … to be with you for awhile. Is that okay? Or are you too tired?" She smiles brightly and shakes her quickly.

"No, I'm not tired at all," she says excitedly. "I'm ready to get out of here, that's for sure."

I smile and think of something. "Go ahead and go out back. I'll be out there in just a few seconds. I'm going to grab us something to eat first. It'll be like our … first date." I smile at her and her eyes widen just a bit in surprise. I love surprising her, I realize.

"Our first … date?" she asks.

I nod and hold out my hand. Without hesitation, she takes it and stands up. I lead her down the hall and into the front part of the building. She squeezes my hand before I rush away to the kitchen to get her something to eat. She looks too thin.

This was our first date … little did I know it would be one of the last.

* * *

**A/N — I am an epic fail writer. =''[ I'm so sorry about taking forever for all of my updates! Again, school is killing me. KILLING ME. So, here's this chapter. I realized that this story definitely won't be as long as EAB. Probably 20 plus chapters less than EAB.**

**Anyway, glad to have you guys read it! Thank you! And, as always, please review!**

**-Liz**


	7. As I Change

**I don't own Twilight.**

* * *

**Chapter VII** — _"As I Change"_

* * *

It was one late night in late fall when I saw my very first angel.

She was sitting outside of a low-setting building, dressed simply in a white nightgown. I could smell her from where I was standing and it was the most mouth watering, impeccable scent that I have ever come across. I have never come across I human I've wanted to drink so much.

She is beautiful, with long dark hair that falls over her white shoulders. Her dark eyes make her look like she's thirsty but she is human. She is smiling mysteriously and the way the moon reflects her white skin, makes her look like royalty.

I hold myself back from running to kill her.

"We have entered another vampire's territory," she remarks softly from beside me. "We mustn't attack before we speak with him. If we do, there could be a major conflict." She pauses and smiles softly. "And we don't want to be visited by the Volturi, now do we, James?"

I shake my head and stare at the angel sitting on the bench. A man approaches her from behind and takes her shoulders with both of his hands. Surprise crosses her angelic features and she smiles brightly up at the man.

Don't attack now, I tell myself. If you attack now, everything will be ruined. Wait, I tell myself quietly. Wait for her; she can wait for you. I feel my undead heart clench with emotion; emotion I have not felt since I was human.

_As I change_ for her, she goes on without noticing her life will end soon.

* * *

_Alice_

I feel like someone is watching me. I freeze, trying to listen to the night air. The wind picks up and my practiced ears can't seem to pick up anything except the toss and fall of the fallen leaves. It's creepy out here, I realize, and begin to feel even more paranoid than normal. Someone is watching me, I know it.

William touches my shoulders from behind.

I jump and gasp. He laughs and hands me a heel of bread. Little does he know, it's my favorite part of a loaf of bread. I smile down at it before taking a big bite. He watches me from the corner of his eye, watching me take a bite before taking one of his own.

I chew slowly and look over to him. I laugh quietly. "What?" I ask him. "Were you checking to make sure that it didn't kill me first before you took a bite of your own?"

He smiles. "That's it," he winks and continues to eat, the question left unanswered. After a long while, he says, "I haven't dated much in my short time on earth but I do know that dates are meant to learn more about each other. So, is there anything you want to know about me?"

There were so many things I wanted to know about him. I wanted to know the obvious, less important questions like his favorite color, his favorite food, what his favorite books were, and what he thought about the president. And then there were other like why he chose me now of all times and where this was headed. I wanted to ask him if he would ever believe in my visions.

But instead, I ask, "Well, why are you working here of all places? I mean, there have to be a million things you'd rather do than listen to people like me blabber on about the end of the world." I take a small bite of my bread and then look at him, curious to hear his answer.

"Well, not everyone talks about the end of the world," he smiles, "half of my patients just talk about the end of mankind, which, in their minds, should have happened at the turn of the century – last year." He doesn't laugh at his own joke. Though he can be cruel to his patients and impatient to his family, he takes his job seriously.

"I do what I do because … because when I was a little boy, my family lived about three miles away from my grandfather. I walked to school every day and his house was closer to my school than my house was so, after I was let out, I would go his house. On their way home, my parents would pick me up. My grandmother would always have something for me to eat and drink and he would tell me about the interesting people at his work.

"I always remember that clearly from my childhood. Ever since I was little, I've wanted to work at this magical place with its 'interesting' people." He pauses and looks at me. "When I started working here, I hated it and wanted to leave. It wasn't as amazing as I thought it was supposed to be.

"After all, everyone here was crazy. And then … and then my grandfather kept insisting that I needed to get to know you. I was and still am your doctor but I hated it here so much it didn't' matter. Even now, I sometimes want to leave. It just …"

I looks over to the trees, like he hears something. He shakes his head and runs a hand through his dark locks and continues. "It's just heartbreaking to see all of these people who have no one. They're sick and the government just puts them aside. Some of these people make me uncomfortable because I don't know what I can do to make them better. I am a doctor," he states, "and I want to make them better. It's just sometimes I don't think I can."

I nod and, after setting my bread down, I reach over, touching his hand gently, feeling his soft fingers under my own.

He looks back at me. "Thank you," I say, staring into his dark eyes.

And that's all that needs to be said with us. He smiles at me and then kisses me gently on the lips. I smile against his lips and so does he. We both laugh and break away. "It's freezing," he states and wraps his arms around my shoulders. "May I escort you back, Miss Brandon?" he asks all gentlemanly.

I smile and nod, bowing my head slightly to keep from the cold. He opens up the side of the hospital and we walk through the quiet hallways. There isn't screaming or talking now. There is an occasional cry of someone dreaming but I'm used to that.

When we reach my room, he walks me to my bed, lays me down and tucks me in. He brushes strands of hair away from my eyes. I smile up at him, dreamily and sleepily. I yawn and he chuckles. "Goodnight, Alice," he tells me, leaning over to kiss my forehead.

My eyes close when his lips touch mine and when he pulls away, I don't open them. The bed lifts as he stands and I turn towards the wall, away from him as he leaves.

It is then I begin to dream.

***

"_Alice, we have to go," Grandfather says, dragging my arm. I scream in agony. The burning … the burning in my arm, it just won't stop. "Alice, I'm going to pick you up, alright?" I squirm and cry out in agony._

_William comes into the room then, at least I think it's him. There is fire everywhere in the house. I see leaves blowing every which way and dresses looming in every corner. Someone his trying to kill me but they are too late. I will burn to death._

_"We have to move her, William," a faraway voice says._

_My body is lifted from off the ground. Does this mean I am no longer amongst the living? I wonder this but the pain is so intense, I have to still be alive. Would God punish me like this? If I am to go up to Heaven, is it supposed to burn like the fires in Hell?_

_Or am I really a sin, after all? Is my power really landing me a spot in eternal damnation?_

***

* * *

_William_

I watch her at her doorway as she turns away from me. She has her eyes closed and she is breathing evenly and deeply, like she is already asleep. The moonlight streams around my shoulders and touches her face like the fingers of a goddess touching her cheeks.

I smile and close the door behind me. Walking down the eerie always, I listen for the cries of the undead, the patients. Here they are like prisoners. During the day, the place is bright with warm walls and flowers; at night, however, I never realized it is such an isolated nightmare. Instead of bright and welcoming, the walls reflected the creepy moonlight from the windows and the flowers remind me of funerals, not pastures.

Outside, I feel better. After locking up, I start to head home in silence. The wind has died down, leaving everything dead silent. I think about Alice. A week ago I hadn't even wanted to know of her existence. It's amazing how fast I can think of someone differently.

It isn't long before I reach my house. When I open the door, the only light inside the house is in the candlelight in the living room. My father has already gone to bed. My grandfather no longer sleeps at all. He is the one I find reading in solace.

"Have fun?" he asks kindly but nervously. He seems worried about something. His golden eyes reach mine and I pull my eyebrows down, confused.

"Sure," I reply. "Grandfather." I sit down across from him. Next to him there is a side table with a picture of my grandmother and my mother. They are hugging and grinning at the camera. I glance at it before looking back up at my grandfather. "What's going on? What happened tonight?"

He shakes his head.

"Do not worry, William," he replies quietly. "It is nothing that you need to concern yourself about." He looks back down at his book and closes it. "I am going to take a walk, okay? I'll see you at breakfast tomorrow. Get some sleep. Your late nights are going to catch up to you eventually."

He leaves like that and I stare at his chair and his ghost still with me.

* * *

I wake up the next morning to my father shaking me awake. "William, you overslept. Here, I made you something to eat. Take it and eat it on your way to work." My eyes snap open and I sit up, wiping my face with my hands; I feel stubble along my chin and I know I need to shave and make a note to do it later.

"Thanks, Dad," I say and get up. Quickly, I throw on a pair of pants and a white, button-up shirt. Usually, Grandfather is the one that is waking me up. "Where is the old man?" I ask my father, brushing a hand through my hair.

I follow him into the living room, swallowing my food before I had the chance to really taste it. "He's already left," my father says. "He left late last night and did not come home. I think he needed to get a drink or something." Get a drink, my father says, but what he means is something I just can't believe.

Or I won't believe.

I nod and head out the door. My father is a school teacher and has a bit more time than I do in the mornings to relax and wake up fully. However, this morning he is on the move as well. I realize then how late I overslept. If my father's moving, that means I'm about two hours behind my normal schedule. I should already be in with Alice …

* * *

Mrs. Brinkmen lets me have if with a slap on the back and a hearty breakfast filled with eggs, bacon, and even fried potatoes. I take the food gladly and head to Alice's room to share with her. She doesn't eat enough and Mrs. Brinkmen hardly ever makes food herself.

When I get there, I find her awake and leaning against the wall, watching the door. When her eyes meet mine, I can see that she's "seen" something that has scared her. Some would call this a nightmare. She calls it, "seeing the future."

"What did you see?" I ask her.

Her eyes immediately fill up with tears. She turns away. Though I don't believe in her visions, I can't help but set down the steaming plate of food on the floor and run to her side. She rests into my chest and lets her tears fall. She cries out loud. "What did you see?" I ask again. She lifts her head from my chest and her glassy eyes meet mine. Tears run down her cheeks and they don't cease.

"The end," she whispers. "I saw the end of everything."

And she cries out loud again and leans down to hide her face. I wrap my arms around her shoulders and pull her in, muffling her cries of pain. I don't know what she means by the end of everything. And as she continues to sob into my shirt, I can feel her tears on my skin.

I realize then that I don't want to know what she means by the end of everything.

Because I have the feeling it means end of everything, as in, _everything_.

* * *

**A/N — I saw New Moon yesterday and it is definitely better than the first one. I **_**loved**_** the first one, but it just doesn't compare the vast improvements of the second one. This one was just … incredible. Definitely see it SOON!**

**=] And please review! **

**-Liz **


	8. As I Feared

**I don't own Twilight.**

* * *

**Chapter VIII** — _"As I Feared"_

* * *

"This is my territory and if you do not leave at once, I will be forced to call on the Volturi," the old man vampire said from across our covenant.

Victoria smirks and walks closer to him, lowering her eyes below her lashes. The old man is neither tempted nor fearful of the red goddess and she approaches. "Now, now," she purrs into his ear. This is how she takes in the humans, I think, and, indeed, this man is too much like a human.

"I keep a permanent residence nearby," he explains, staring at me straight in the eye. Laurent is standing in front of me, the leader, but this man knows that I am the real leader. "If you do not leave, I shall be forced to call upon the Volturi – and I like them as much as you do."

I sigh. "We shall not hunt near here," I speak up. Laurent turns to me, confused, because I told him the day before about her. The true soul mate of mine. The girl trapped in the asylum. Alice Brandon her name is. Even her name brings unshed tears to my eyes.

"Stay away," the old man insists. "I do not want your kind here."

"Our kind?" Victoria asks. "What do you mean, our kind? We are all the same, old man. You cannot change who you are or what you are. We are no different from you. The only difference between us is the fact that you hide behind your human life; we embrace our true nature."

She smiles wickedly. "It is only time before you embrace yours."

_As I feared_, it will not be as easy to approach the one I need as quickly as I need her.

* * *

_Alice_

Two weeks pass so quickly.

I don't have another vision within that two week period. Finally, it seems like I am somewhat normal once again. When William comes in and asks what I've seen I can shake my head and smile, knowing that I don't have to look at that disappointed look in his eyes when I mention how crazy I really am.

Sometimes, it makes me wish for Jasper. Jasper doesn't care that I have visions. In fact, he's a freak himself with his ability to control people's emotions. But Jasper isn't here and maybe the fact that I haven't had visions for such a long time means they're over for good.

Maybe my craziness was just a spell.

I can only hope.

William walks inside the room with a plateful of food. He walks over to my bed and sets it down on my lap. Eggs and bread sit before me and I am quick to eat them. He brings me fresh from the kitchen now instead of the stuff that Grandfather has to bring me.

The other doctors think that he is eating it himself before he goes into my meeting. What they don't know is that he never eats any of it; just like his grandfather, he's convinced that I am too skinny and need to eat more. So I do.

He sits back on my wall and pulls out a book. He reads it quietly to himself. When I asked him to read out loud and he started speaking French, I realized he was studying and told him that it was fine with me if he wanted to read silently. He had laughed at the time.

"Alice," he says my name quietly.

I look up from my breakfast.

"I want to try to get you out of here," he says seriously, closing the book. "You haven't had any of those dreams for over a week. I think that if you at least two more weeks, I can get you out of here and you can come live with Father, Grandfather, and I."

He looks me in the eye after his statement and I try to hold his gaze. Eventually though, my eyes sting and I look down to my tray. He reopens his book and taps his index finger on the spine.

After a long silence, I reply with, "Will I not be a burden for you?"

I don't want to take away this life. Even if I leave here, I will still be the crazy girl, the girl with the visions, the one that can see the future. I don't want him to feel ashamed of me even if he can somehow get me out of here.

While deep in my thoughts, he comes closer to me and rests his hands on my cheeks. He squeezes slightly, making my cheeks puff out. I bunch my eyebrows together and he smiles at my face. "Alice," he says my name again and I can feel the words on my skin.

"I think I'm in love with you."

My heart stops beating for a second. He sees the confusion and the hope written all over my face because I can't keep my feelings on the inside of me. I look at him and I can feel his hands shaking slightly. "I don't know why," he says, "but every person who gets close to you can feel something … and I've never felt this much before, Alice."

He releases my face and watches me.

For the longest while we sit in complete and udder silence. I can feel pressure building on my shoulders. I have loved William for so long and now to hear the words scares me. I can see Jasper's face in my head, staring at me in the diner with the expression that I have watched for such a long time.

I see the woman William is really going to end up with. Whatever happens to me, I don't want to hurt him. So, do I say the words now or save him the pain? I see him hang his head slightly and watch as he stands. He walks slowly towards the door.

Then I realize how much I do care for him, do love and want to be with him. Let the future come, I think to myself. But I don't want to miss him. I don't want to regret the one that got away for the rest of forever. Let the future come. I will be waiting. But here, this is what matters.

He reaches the door and grabs the handle.

"William," I whisper, staring at his hand. He turns around and the muscles on his knuckles loosen slightly on the doorknob. I look up into his eyes. I get up slowly and walk to the door. He lets go of the doorknob and leans back on the door.

I reach him and stand on my tippy-toes because I can't reach his face unless he bends down. He stares at me with wide eyes, still not saying a word. I brush my lips up with his, feeling him unresponsive.

"I love you too," I tell him against his lips.

Our eyes lock and I feel like we are in a romance novel, two star-crossed lovers, unable to be together but falling in love anyway. Or, I suppose _fallen_ in love is more appropriate. He leans down and captures my lips with his own and I feel like I'm flying.

"Thank you," he tells me. "I'll get you out of here, I promise."

I look up at him and nod. "I know and I trust you."

* * *

_William_

"I know and I trust you."

It really wasn't supposed to happen like that. I really hadn't thought about telling her that I loved or even thought about the fact that I did love her in the first place. But the moment was just too perfect and I it slipped out. When she didn't respond, I didn't know where I was going to go but it was going to be far away from this hospital.

"I have to go," I tell her and she nods sadly.

I leave her standing at her doorway. When I close the door behind me I finally allow myself to grin. I'll get you out of here, I had told her. Now I just had to prove to the Boss that she was not actually crazy. She hadn't been having visions for the last two weeks.

Maybe it was just a phase, I told myself, and all the nightmares went away.

* * *

Grandfather and I walk home together.

He knows something has happened but I don't want to tell him what it is. I am far too embarrassed. After all, a month ago I didn't even know Alice Brandon existed. And now I'm in love with her? What kind of person falls in love with someone so crazy?

I smile. A crazy person, I answer myself.

"Grandfather," I say, "why were you gone all night a couple of weeks ago? The day I was late and Mrs. Brinkmen nearly ripped my head off? What a bloody pleasant day, I reflect with the Old Man takes his precious time to answer me.

"I was dealing with something," he finally answers. "There were a few kids messing around by the bar, trying to cause trouble. They have bright futures, like all children, and I didn't want them to have the sheriff breathing down on them for the rest of their lives."

He's lying, I think, but I don't say anything out loud. My grandfather is one of the most honest human beings that have ever lived. He's lying for my own protection. I shouldn't interfere. "Always looking out for all of the children," I reply nonchalantly and he nods.

"Always."

We walk in silence for the rest of the trip. When we reach the house, my father is already inside making dinner. I smell fresh bread and meat cooking over the stove. It smells so good that I nearly start drooling before I even say hello.

"Edward," Grandfather says seriously, "I need to speak with you about a private matter in the kitchen. Come, I shall help cut the bread and fix myself a cup of tea." He walks past my father without looking at him or back at me.

My father glances at me, looking for an explanation, but I just shrug. My father shrugs back and then turns around, heading for the kitchen. I do the opposite and head toward my room on the other side of the house. After washing up, I sit at my desk, studying.

Glancing out the mirror I look at the line of trees about twenty yards away from where I am sitting. Then I notice three figures, like shadows, watching me. I feel the temperature in my room drop twenty degrees. I breath out and try to look away but I can't.

They have me captivated.

I sit there staring until something touches me and brings me back to reality. I jump and turn around expecting it to be death coming to take me, but it is just my father, nervous and wide-eyed. "Come, William, let's eat dinner. Your grandfather will not be joining us."

All through dinner, my father watches the door, like he's waiting for the second Grandfather comes back. I watch him nervously, wondering what the hell is happening. What has got my father and grandfather so jumpy? I wonder as I eat.

So, after my father stays up in the living room, reading my candle light and waiting for the Old Man, I wait as well. I watch the door, unmoving. I have a bad feeling that something horrible is going to happen. And I have another related feeling that it has something to do with Alice.

Finally, after a quarter past twelve in the morning, long after my father has gone to bed, the door opens quickly and quietly. My grandfather comes in and shuts the door, locking it behind him. I watch him. He turns around and doesn't even act like he's surprised.

"William, I need to speak with you," he says.

I rub the sleep from my eyes and he appears in front of my, fast as lightning. "William," he starts and looks at me straight in the eyes with his golden orbs. They frighten me so; I look away. "William, you need to look into my eyes because that is the only way you can understand."

I am confused but follow his directions.

"William, do not speak," he starts again. "I am a monster. Two years ago when your mother and grandmother were killed it was not because they were being robbed. It was because there were two monsters in the city, hungry, and they chose them as victims.

"Those two monsters were vampires. They were supposed to be mythological but they are real and everywhere, William. I am one as well. When I was attacked and bitten here," he showed me the half moon scar on the inside of his palm, where he told me he was stabbed, "I was in horrendous pain for three days. And finally, when I woke, I was different. A monster too."

He stops while I breathe.

"But I am different than the others," he tells me. "I do not drink the blood of humans but that of animals because, though I am a creature that does not die, I still want the face of God to be merciful when I do finally get to rest in peace."

I stop him. "Why are you telling me this?" I ask. "What does this have to do with anything? Why are you saying these things?!" I shout and he shushes me immediately.

"Do not wake your father, William Pierce," he tells me sternly. "I am telling you this because the girl you have fallen in love with is in great danger. She has been spotted by a tracker vampire, one of three new in Mississippi as of two weeks ago.

"I told him that if they did not leave, I would take measures to make sure they never see the light of the next day. And I plan on doing so now. His name is James and his accomplices are Victoria and Laurent. James has become infatuated with Alice and her blood."

He looks at me straight in the eye.

"William, he wants to kill her. He is going to kill her. Within the next two days. I have spoken to him tonight and he says he will kill me if I stand in his way. He is stronger and younger than I am, even as a vampire. But I will not let him harm Alice. She's family and will not touch her."

I nod.

It dawns onto me then that everything Alice has told me is true. Monsters were real. They existed even today when the world seemed to finally become modern and advanced in more ways than one. But now … I realize that I have been wrong all along.

And perhaps everything she has said is true. And everything she has seen is possible.

And I realize that I have to put her first, above anything. Because if she is meant to be apart of this horrific world she needs to have allies. She needs to be put above everything. Grandfather's life is second to hers. My life is second compared to hers.

"Tell me what I have to do," I say to him, bending forward.

He nods and smiles in just the slightest bit.

"William, we have to change her," he says quietly. "We have to bring her here and change her then take her somewhere where James won't find her. If she is smart, then she won't come back. And she won't have any reason to." I look to the ground.

"Because she won't remember this at all. She has seen future, William, and she does not even know we were once a part of her life. She will find the one she has been dreaming of for the longest time. And it will be as if we never existed."

* * *

**A/N — DUN DUN DUN! XD.**

**Haha! This chapter I wrote pretty much within the last two hours. It's pretty late here and I am exhausted so I don't really know what to say. There aren't many chapters left, I am afraid. This story is a lot shorter than I intended because of my lack of time. I want to complete this story but I don't want it to drag.**

**So, it's going to be a bit shorter than it was originally but I like it this way. =]  
Thanks for reading! And, like always, please review!**

**-Liz**


	9. As I Live

**I don't own Twilight.**

* * *

**Chapter IX** — _"As I Live"_

* * *

It is raining and I can expect that on a night like this.

After two weeks of waiting, the old man never left his post as protector of his precious nuthouse. And earlier this evening, when I had just asked him for one, he had finally sighed out and asked me who. He seemed to finally give in and his annoyance of us being there overcame his mortality.

"The Angel with black hair and dark eyes," I had said to him.

And he looked at me like I was the Devil walking on earth. He backed up and stared at me with the widest eyes, shocked and terrified by my request. I knew then that this girl was his; the reason why he was protecting the house in the first place. I smiled and cocked my head to the side.

"What is wrong, Mr. Pierce?" I asked him. "Surely this isn't too much to ask."

"Leave, _now_," he said to me.

I smirked, having my suspicions confirmed. I walked over to him and looked him straight in the eye. He was terrified for the life of this girl. Now it wasn't about the love I felt for her but just to ruin this vampire's happiness. It was a game now.

I placed my hand on his shoulder and leaned forward, my lips right next to his ears. "This has now turned into a game, Mr. Pierce," I said politely. "A game I intend to win. And if you try to stop me, I will have no problem killing you. Your life is meaningless anyway."

As I live for her, I realize he will die for her. And what a mistake that will be.

* * *

_Alice_

***

"_I've waited a long time for you," I say, looking at him._

_He is the only one I remember from my human. Other than him, everything else is blank. I can remember my longing for him, the one I would finally call my own. I was all alone and he was the only thing I lived for. He's the only thing I live for._

_He brushes back a piece of his blond hair with his fingers and smiles. "I'm sorry, ma'am, but … have we met each other before?" I shake my head. He smiles a bit and sighs, running a hand through his hair. "Good. I mean, that we haven't met. My mother would have called me rude for not remembering such a … beautiful woman as yourself."_

_My heart is still, my blood is cold but I can feel everything start to race and to heat under his gaze. I wonder briefly if he thinks I am crazy. He shakes his head as if he hears my thoughts, and then says, "Well, I am Jasper Hale … and you are?"_

_I shake my head, ridding the thoughts, and take his hand. I stare into his bloody eyes and say, "I'm Alice. I can see the future." It was blunt and he is taken by surprise but I keep going. "I've seen you here many times. I can't even tell you how many times." He's the only thing I've ever had a hold of. Through the pain, he has always been there, even though I didn't even know him._

_He believes me._

_He can see it in my eyes._

"_I know what we have to do," I tell him. "Please, come with me." I hold out my hand, my heart in my throat. My mind is blank – his decision has not been made yet. He looks down at my hand, pale and breakable, though they are both._

_I feel like crying. For what seems like years I've been seeing him. He's flesh and blood I finally get to see. I am not crazy. My visions really do come true. Those months I spent all alone, thinking I was crazy – they were false. I can feel an emotional rush and start to breath heavily._

_He looks up at me, concerned. He knows how I am feeling. He can feel the panic, the relief, the sadness, the confusion, the hope. He can feel everything. I suddenly feel calm. He looks into my eyes and lifts his hand slowly. My breath hitches._

_He gently picks up a strand of my short hair and brushes it out of my eyes. "I trust you," he says quietly, answering all of my questions. "Take me with you, Alice."_

***

When I open my eyes, I can feel that they are wet with tears. The visions have not disappeared; they are no longer a nightmare – literally – of the past. They are back again; and on the night when I felt so normal once again. Oh, God. What would I tell William?

Almost as soon as the thought comes across in my mind, my door slams open with said person standing there with wild eyes. I sit up quickly.

"William," I say.

He marches over to me and kneels down beside me. Back behind him, Grandfather is standing there, eyes closed, hands folded like he is praying. Maybe he is praying. I have never known Grandfather to be that of religion. But I suppose He is always there and learning the Bible is something you can do anytime.

"Alice, you need to listen to me," William says urgently, leaning down by my bed. He takes my hands and kisses them gently. I nod, but don't say anything. The atmosphere in the room has dropped fifty degrees. I feel cold and scared. What has happened?

"You were right," he tells me much to my surprise. "Your dreams, that I always dismissed them as, weren't dreams at all, Alice. They were visions and it's taken me this long to realize this. But I have now and I believe you." I feel tears fall down my cheeks with his acceptance. The words I have been waiting to hear are here at long last.

"And that means that the monsters in your dreams were real as well. And one of them is here, Alice, and he wants to harm you. Remember what you said about seeing the end? Remember all the things you told me; about becoming one of these monsters and living as one? Remember?"

I nod reluctantly feeling like the end has come, and is here staring at me in the face.

Williams says, "Grandfather has to change you, Alice. The vampire coming is coming fast and if he doesn't change you now then you will die. This is just the first of all of your visions. Everything was true." He grabs my shoulders. "Please, you have to do this."

I start to shake my head. "But if what I see is real and comes true, then that means that when I wake up three days from now I will not remember you. I don't want that to happen, William. I … love you and I don't want to lose you. Not now. Please."

He kisses me hard on the lips. I grab his face and try to hold him there but he is too strong. He pulls away, but just barely and says, "It doesn't have to be that way. Try really hard to remember and maybe you will. But Alice, I can't leave you unprotected. I won't leave you unprotected.

"If if this is the last time we see each other, it is the way of the Lord sees it. And it is the way He wants it, Alice. Destiny isn't true. You can always change your future." His eyes are burning into mine. I can feel my eyes burn. I need to blink, but I can't. Tears continue to fall, making him blurry.

"But you have to do this, Alice," he says, "you have to."

I lean forward and kiss him again, more gently this time. His lips move against mine like perfect harmony. In the last month we have gotten quite good at this. I can't imagine not seeing him every day and eating the breakfast he brings me. I can't imagine not talking or kissing him.

I have always been weak.

But now I can't be. Now, I have to be strong for him. He wants me to this so I can protect myself. And maybe, as a monster, I can protect him too. I am determined to remember him. I can't forget the one I love. "I will," I tell him. "But … first there is something I need to tell you."

He smiles and kisses my forehead. "Tell me, love."

"You're going to meet a girl with auburn hair and hazel eyes," I say to him. "I kept seeing you by the pond together somewhere in the future. You propose to her, William." He looks heartbroken almost, like he's afraid of hurting me even though he hasn't done anything. "And you love her. You belong with her. So, if I can't find you and if I don't remember you, you have to find her, okay? Promise me."

He nods, "I promise. And you must not wait around for me either. Find the soldier that you used to talk about every day. He's out there somewhere, lost and confused. He needs you even more so than I do, Alice. You must find him."

"I will."

We kiss each other once more.

"Cut her hair."

Grandfather speaks so suddenly that we both look up. He looks down at us. "Here," he pulls out a knife. "We have to cut her hair so the vampires possibly don't recognize her." I look and nod my head once. William takes the knife and cuts it; long tressles fall to the ground in a heap. Grandfather walks over to us. "William, watch outside of the door. Take this." We both look down and see a sword in his hands. "You don't stand a chance against the vampires, my beloved grandson. But perhaps this will give you peace of mind."

William doesn't look afraid. He takes the sword and walks outside the door, closing it firmly behind him. Grandfather looks at me. "Alice, are you ready?" he asks. I nod. "Then lie back. I'm going to do this the old-fashioned way." I follow his orders, keeping William in my head solidly. He's so realistic it's almost as if I can reach out and touch him.

"This will be the most painful thing you will ever endure, Alice," he tells me seriously. I look at him and nod. "I'm going to bite your neck and it is going to burn as if you are in Hell. Do you understand?" I nod once again. "Granddaughter … good luck with your future. And I hope we meet again."

He rests his palm against my cheek and I see his eyes radiate so much sadness, more tears fall down – the ones he can no longer cry. "I'll miss you, Grandfather," I tell him.

"And I you."

He leans down and I feel his ice cold breath on my skin. Right above the neck he hovers for a split second before biting down. For a second, I feel nothing. And then I feel everything all at once. I scream out in agony as he pulls up. I can't see anything but fire.

He gets me to my feet without much difficulty but I can hardly stand. The pain is too intense; too aching. I burn and I feel like my air has been taken away, like I'm drowning.

"Alice, we have to go," Grandfather says, dragging my arm. I scream in agony. The burning … the burning in my arm, it just won't stop. "Alice, I'm going to pick you up, alright?" I squirm and cry out in agony.

William comes into the room then, at least I think it's him. There is fire everywhere in the house. I see leaves blowing every which way and dresses looming in every corner. Someone his trying to kill me but they are too late. I will burn to death.

"We have to move her, William," a faraway voice says.

My body is lifted from off the ground. Does this mean I am no longer amongst the living? I wonder this but the pain is so intense, I have to still be alive. Would God punish me like this? If I am to go up to Heaven, is it supposed to burn like the fires in Hell?

Or am I really a sin, after all? Is my power really landing me a spot in eternal damnation?

William, I remember. His face is blurry now, more so than it has ever been. This must mean I am dying, I think. I wouldn't lose a memory like this until the very last end. But I try to remember anyway.

_William …_

_William …_

_William …_

* * *

_William_

"William!" she screams my name out in agony.

Grandfather smells the air and looks at me. "They are coming," he says. "Take Alice and run as fast as you can. Try to keep her quiet." I look down to the twitching girl in my arms. She struggles and she cries of the burning, but I just hold her tighter.

"Go, William, and never come back here," he says. I look at him. "They cannot know of you. Take your father's name and your mother's maiden name. William Pierce, as far as we know, is dead. Wherever you go, don't ever come back. And never speak of William Pierce again."

I nod, accepting my fate.

"Go!"

I run through the hospital faster and faster. When I get outside of the door, the cold December air whips around me, making it hard to see. Alice's hair drops over her face like liquid. I keep running. I pass my house in a matter of seconds instead of minutes. There is a light burning on the inside.

My father is awake and waiting for me. Little does he know that he will never see me again. I want to run to him like I'm a child again and ask him to make the monsters go away. But these monsters never go away, I think and run faster.

The forest behind my house is where I head. I hear screaming from behind me and push myself faster and faster. I can't afford to be slow. Alice screams out and I say, "Shh, Alice, shush, you mustn't speak. Please, don't say anything, love."

She whimpers and struggles in my arms.

We reach the tree line and I go about a mile before I stop to rest. I set Alice on the ground and cough so hard that blood comes up. I throw up in the bushes by a huge oak tree. I feel dizzy and sick and I am afraid of getting caught.

I look back at Alice.

I have to leave her here. She is too far along in the process for anyone to hurt her, I know it. I walk over to her and look down at her, brushing her hair back. Her eyes are looking back and forth wildly and she can't focus on me. "Thank you, Alice," I say, "thank you for everything."

I grab her cheeks with my hands and kiss her gently on her forehead. She is sweating and shaking like she has a severe cold. I take off my jacket and lay it on top of her. "Please remember," I say, "please remember me, Alice. I love you."

When I get up, I take off running.

But I don't make it too far. Suddenly, I slam into something like a boulder. I fly backwards and hit the ground, skidding to a stop. I look up to see a beautiful woman with curly red hair staring at me like I am food. "James," she says. Two men appear and I know the one with yellow hair is the one who wants to kill Alice.

He looks wild with defeat.

"Where is he?" I yell, getting to my feet. "Where is the Old Man?"

James smirks. "Dead, torn to pieces, and burned. He did not stand a chance. One old vampire against three at their prime is hardly what I call a challenge. It was almost like fighting a human." I want to kill him and the fact that my grandfather is dead hasn't registered yet.

Mourning comes after revenge.

"And why did you help him?" the African one asks. "Why did you help the girl? You know we have been tracking her because of her scent and now she can no longer be tracked because she is one of us. So, boy, why is it that you helped?"

I look right at the one, James, who killed my grandfather.

"Because I love her," I tell him.

* * *

Something changes in his eyes.

He looks away from me. "James," the girl repeats. "Do we kill him know? You know that I'd rather not play with my food." She starts to walk for me but James grabs her arm and pulls her back. She glares at him, her red eyes piercing his.

"Go," he says, looking at me. "Never return here and never look for that girl. You will never see her again. Never come back here. Ever." I look at him with wide eyes. "Go!" he yells. "My mercy will only last so long. I suggest that if you want to live to see the sun again, you will leave right at this moment. Go, now."

I nod and run the other way.

I never did see them again. I never did know the real reason of that vampire's kindness. After all, he killed my innocent grandfather without any mercy whatsoever. Why he showed me, a human, such compassion was something I could hardly believe.

And yet, when I had mentioned the word love to him, he seemed to have changed completely. And I think it was because he loved her, Alice Brandon, too.

He hadn't even known her and she had him wrapped around her fingers. She had put him under her spell and he couldn't escape. Even though he was a vampire and she had been a human, he had fallen in love with her. And I was the man she loved back.

Perhaps he was jealous or envious.

I adopted my new name, the last wish my grandfather had ever made. He was with my family now in Heaven; my grandmother and mother were still waiting on my father and me to join them. He was watching over me, I could feel it everywhere.

But for whatever reason, I escaped that night.

And I never saw _her_, Alice Brandon, again.

* * *

**A/N – Wow. I wrote this all in one sitting. Wow wow wow. Put off reading **_**Pride and Prejudice**_** to finish this chapter. I can't believe that I am almost finished. I know this has been a quick ending but this is how it has to be.**

**Just ten chapter, I know! One more and then Alice's past is now fully known. Haha.  
What did you think? Please, let me know!**

**-Liz**


	10. As I Am

**I don't own Twilight.**

* * *

**Chapter X** — _"As I Am"_

* * *

_December 1, 1900_

"Why the hell would you let him get away, James?" Victoria yells at me from across the clearing. She's bent forward, ready to pursue the man who loves the soon-to-be newborn. "You kept talking about how you needed to kill her because she was different from the others. We haven't eaten in three weeks and now you're just going to let him get away?"

I nod.

"Why?"

I look over at Victoria and smirk. In the distance, I hear the girl, Alice, writhing in pain, tears unable to fall down her cheeks. She will be one of us one day soon and then maybe I will be able to see her again. Maybe one day, she will be the one by my side.

And then I look at Victoria and all of those thoughts disappear. She is the reason I am who I am today. She has made me stronger. The human hasn't. So why do I think this way? Why do I want her, Alice, when I have already found the one for me?

Victoria growls but gets up and returns to my side. Laurent watches us for a few seconds longer before coming to my left, ready to embark on our next mission. "So, where are we going now, James?"

I smell the air. "I was thinking maybe Missouri."

"The Gateway to the West?" Victoria asks. "I'm in."

* * *

_Alice_  
_December 3, 1900_

I want to remember what it feels like to live.

I want to feel the wind and the sunshine. I want to be able to touch a knife and bleed, to eat food and feel full, to drink water and no longer be thirsty.

I wake up from my drowsiness and look around. I can't remember anything. Everything is a blurry haze. I try to focus on my memories, the reason I am lying on the ground in the middle of a forest. There is blood all around me and my clothes are ripped.

I am thirsty.

Looking around me, I can smell that there is water from a river about a quarter of a mile from where I am sitting now. But, somehow, water is not what I want to drink. My throat is burning – almost like I haven't drunk anything in years – but the smell of water is nearly repulsive.

My head starts to hurt and my hands begin shaking. I remember this process, though I don't know what it means. And then I see it: in this … vision, I see a blond soldier sitting at a diner all alone. I smile brightly at him, though I've never seen him in person before and stroll up to him.

The picture changes and suddenly I see a doctor. "You wanted to talk to me … Alice, Edward said your name was?" I nod. "What can I help you with?" He has a pleasant face and a nice smile, though I can see the confusion across his face.

"I want to be like you, Dr. Cullen," I tell him, "I want to drink blood like your family. I don't want to kill anyone and I've had visions of coming to you so I wouldn't."

I come back to reality and look around me. I am still in the forest with the burning throat, the ripped clothes, and the blood on the ground. Blood … I think and I can feel my throat twitch with anticipation. It occurs to me then … I am a vampire, and I need drink.

I stand and look around. I try to remember why I am here and why I am like this. Vampires … is everyone a vampire? Then why the title? And why does my skin chill at the name? I shake my head. No, I am different from the rest. They do not drink blood to live. I am a monster to them because I will kill them.

"_I want to be like you Dr. Cullen. I want to drink blood like your family. I don't want to kill anyone and I've had visions of coming to you so I wouldn't_."

I look up to the sky and try to imagine Dr. Cullen in my head. He has blonde hair, like the soldier, but he isn't the soldier. He has honey eyes and ice skin. He is like me, a vampire, but he is much different than any other vampire.

Suddenly, I see him talking and laughing with his family. There is a boy with wavy brown-red hair and golden eyes; he is solid and sturdy but he is laughing at Dr. Cullen. I feel like I know him somehow. And there is a woman he calls his wife with blond-brown hair and the most beautiful smile I have ever seen; he has his arm around her shoulder, squeezing it kindly. There is another there too: a blonde, the most gorgeous woman in the world, a goddess walking; she is smiling at her family but there is something bitter behind her gaze.

And then I see myself with them, smiling and laughing, shaking my hair around and I feel … happy watching myself with them. My eyes are golden and I love them all so much. My non-beating heart swells to the point of explosion.

And I know I have to go there. I must go there because I see it. Because I know that's where I am supposed to be.

* * *

_April 15, 1924_

It took me eighteen years to find the Cullens. I thought it would be easy – after all, I was a vampire and I was, well, inhuman. But it took be a little over eighteen years to finally knock on their door and ask Dr. Cullen to save me.

I had visions have eating animals in the future so I used those to survive. It was hard, very hard, and once or twice I did cave and drink what I always feared: humans. But I never strayed away from my ultimate goal. I never let myself even see what would happen if I became anything other than a Cullen.

That wasn't my future.

When I finally did find them, I was on the point of giving up. I was terrible at tracking and time as a vampire passed quickly. Eighteen years passed and it didn't feel more than eighteen weeks. I had been around the world twice by the time I showed up on their doorstep, soaking wet from the pouring rain.

And they had accepted me gratefully. The girl in my visions – the happy, smiling girl – I became in just a matter of minutes. It was so great to be with family and no longer alone.

The only thing that kept me going when I was alone was this moment. Six years after I had joined the Cullen family, I finally was about to meet him. Jasper, the soldier from my dreams, my visions, was inside of this diner. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream.

When I opened the door, I saw him sitting at the bar stool, contemplating over a beer he could not drink. I wondered then if it gave him comfort, the alcohol, when he was human? His hair was tangled but still beautiful; his eyes were red and terrifying but I did not care.

This was him.

The one I had been waiting for.

I took a step towards him.

"I've waited a long time for you," I said, looking at him.

He was the only one I remember from my human. Other than him, everything else is blank. I can remember my longing for him, the one I would finally call my own. I was all alone and he was the only thing I lived for. He's the only thing I live for.

He brushed back a piece of his blond hair with his fingers and smiled. "I'm sorry, ma'am, but … have we met each other before?" I shook my head. He smiled a bit and sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Good. I mean, that we haven't met. My mother would have called me rude for not remembering such a … beautiful woman as yourself."

My heart is still, my blood is cold but I can feel everything start to race and to heat under his gaze. I wonder briefly if he thinks I am crazy. He shook his head as if he can hear my thoughts, and then said, "Well, I am Jasper Whitlock … and you are?"

I shook my head, ridding the thoughts, and take his hand. I stare into his bloody eyes and say, "I'm Alice. I can see the future." It was blunt and he was taken by surprise but I keep going. "I've seen you here many times. I can't even tell you how many times." He was the only thing I've ever had a hold of. Through the pain, he has always been there, even though I didn't even know him.

He believed me.

He can see it in my eyes.

"I know what we have to do," I told him. "Please, come with me." I hold out my hand, my heart in my throat. My mind is blank – his decision has not been made yet. He looks down at my hand, pale and breakable, though they are both.

I feel like crying. For what seems like years I've been seeing him. He's flesh and blood I finally get to see. I am not crazy. My visions really do come true. Those months I spent all alone, thinking I was crazy – they were false. I can feel an emotional rush and start to breath heavily.

He looks up at me, concerned. He knows how I am feeling. He can feel the panic, the relief, the sadness, the confusion, the hope. He can feel everything. I suddenly feel calm. He looked into my eyes and lifted his hand slowly. My breath hitched.

He gently picked up a strand of my short hair and brushes it out of my eyes. "I trust you," he said quietly, answering all of my questions. "Take me with you, Alice."

* * *

_William  
June 20, 1901_

William Pierce died that night Alice Brandon did.

I did exactly as my passed Grandfather had told me to do. I took my father's name and my mother's maiden name and put them together, creating a brand new person. Just as Alice said, I found the love of my life not long after I left her. Two days after leaving the forest, I stumbled up to her parent's house, dripping wet with an illness.

They had took me in gratefully, accepting me for nothing except myself. One month later I was married to their daughter, Elizabeth, and with child. I was the happiest man on earth and, for some reason, my heart did not pine over Alice. I missed her dearly but I sometimes wonder if she was what was supposed to change me for the person I would end up with.

I sometimes think of her and wonder if she is still alive today. I wonder if she found the blond soldier she always talked about. I hope she did. She deserved someone who would treat her better than I ever did. And he is the closest to be worthy enough for her.

Now, six months later, my child was being born. He was only six months and very, very tiny. I leaned over Elizabeth, who was crying and writhing in pain. "Lizzie," I kept whispering in her ear, kissing her beautiful hair. She was crying so hard.

"My baby, how is he?" she kept saying.

"The doctor is cleaning him up," I told her. "He will be fine. I promise. He was just ready to get out and to see the world. He's just early, Lizzie. Please, don't cry." She looked up at me, her hazel, green eyes searching my very soul. I smiled at her and kissed her hard on the forehead. "You're a mother now, Lizzie," I told her. "We did it. We're going to be parents."

"You're right," she said. "You're always right, Edward. And that's why …" She stares at me with the purest form of innocence, I am almost reminded of a child and even the girl I once loved. "And that's why," she repeated, "that I want to name our baby after you. Edward Junior. Little Edward."

William, I want to tell her my real name. But William is dead.

"And your father's name as the middle name?" I smile at her. She grinned the widest in the world and nodded her head quickly. "What a beautiful name he will have. Edward Ant –"

"Excuse me," someone said. We both turned towards the door. The doctor was standing there, holding the tiniest blanket in the world. He walked over to us and handed us the blanket. Inside was a beautiful baby boy with auburn hair and the brightest green eyes; they looked unreal.

"Will he be alright?" Elizabeth asked, not taking her eyes away from the baby.

The doctor smiled and nodded. "He's very developed for being so young. He will be just fine. From my understanding, he's beautiful and healthy. Congratulations, Edward, Elizabeth." I thank him and he leaves the room quietly.

We stare down at the love of our lives.

"Little Edward," Elizabeth coos.

"He looks like he's ready to take on the world, doesn't he, Lizzie?" I asked, kissing her hair line. She nodded, running her fingers over his open face. His eyes are wide and bright, eager to learn, eager to live, eager to love, eager to _be_.

_Edward Anthony Mason_, my son.

What a life he will have.

* * *

**A/N — Thus concluding Alice's prequel, "Binary." I do hope that all of my readers have enjoyed the last chapter and do review! If you are confused, go back and look at the dates. That should clear it up a bit. =]  
Also, great job **_**hisanachan**_** for pretty much figuring out the whole story without meaning. Back at the beginning when you asked if Edward, his father, had anything to do with Edward Mason (Cullen), I was so excited that you figured it out without meaning to. It was amazing. =]  
Please check my profile for some news. And I hope everyone has happy holidays!**

**Please review!**

**-Liz**


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